The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive


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hatred diary of absence, sort of


on the far side of holderlin i already sense my madness. on the left side
of artaud i'm ready to welcome my murder. beneath chatterton the clever
boy i beg you to kill me. azure and i speak to no one, go further into
debt, i can't get out of here, i can't get the vowels right. without
vowels there are only consonents, bought and sold in florida. there are
plans to kill all the manatees, those that haven't died already from
propeller wounds. my writing unsolicited, goes unsolicitied. listen: i
just wrote a samadhi piece that was a breakthrough for me. one cute
comment in return. listen:  i wrote about the death of all humans.
silence. listen: i wrote a text explaining my sexual/terror/language/
theory issues. one back-channel. listen: i write in silence. i write
still-born. i write misscarriage. listen: i burrow into content like a
monster devouring all sentient beings. listen: i am that monster. i am
that monster devouring all sentient beings; i can taste my madness, my
death to come, my death on my right shoulder and my left shoulder, my
death grappling already with my teeth, breaking them down at the roots,
screaming into the nerve. azure and i spend weekends alone. we spend days
alone except for students. listen to my students: bin laden is a faggot;
miami's run by spics; feminists are man-haters; we should have expected
911 because we kill the unborn; everyone's online listen to me: my
university courses are a fraud; we're not even online; my students hate me
or are confused by me; nothing can be done with suburban kids; they know
nothing can be done with me. listen to my department: i'm too negative; i
seem too depressed in class; i complain too much. listen to the work:
there are 4-5 who are actually doing something; i'm sorry for them. azure
and i wait for phone calls: a few relatives from out of state, maybe twice
a week. azure and i wait for mail, maybe once a week. i will kill every
living creature. i will inhale anthrax; please send to alan sondheim, 4600
sw 67 ave, mi fl 33155, please include instructions. seal tightly against
the manatees. remember to include the vowels; language bothers me.


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