The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive

January 24, 2002


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Penelope, shifted

Alan is jumping up and down with excitement!
Women approve heartily and men drink more beer as Alan sings "Begin the
 Beguine."
You fall down laughing.
You cry.
You say, "It's amazing, I just got a new car!"
You say, "Begin the Beguine and it's really all mine and there's
 nothing more so show me the door"
You say, "There were two rabbis, isn't that funny enough?"
You say, "Death is all around us, beware beware of death"
You open your arms wide, begging the populace to embrace you.
You pull your arms around your body.
You say, "Please help me, I am amazingly beautiful..."
You say, "Thank you all my loves, you have me me love myself..."
You pucker your lips expectantly.
You kiss yourself.
You say, "Oh beauty, I am waiting for you to come to me!"
You say, "I will begin with my own body, oh Penelope! and end with
 yours!"


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Traum

Nikuko, listen. I don't sleep. I have had episodes. My anger threatens the
world. I have had red suns I cannot escape. I cannot escape the sky. The
red sky is everywhere. Nikuko, listen. I am sleeping. I wake after the
first episode; I sleep again. I wake after the second, after more convul-
sions; again I sleep. I wake after the third, and that is the end of it.

I came naked to you to show you everything. I want to seduce you with my
broken anger. Listen: I dreamed I was in a train station, a waiting room,
a classroom at a university. There was a woman dressed in brown leather, a
beautiful jacket. Black hair, perhaps from Montreal or Paris. Those
features. I bump into her. She smashes me, I bend over in violent pain. I
wake up. I wake up in convulsions. You know, the body moves suddenly
against all will, out of control. One wakes up in sweat. She's gone. The
anger fades. Lassitude sets in.

I want to seduce you. I want you to come naked and broken to me. I want to
see your breasts, your cunt. I want to touch everything. I want you to
belong to me, Nikuko, I want to own you. Listen: I sleep again. There is a
man present, similarly dressed. Both of them are in their late twenties.
He is her boyfriend. He approaches me, knees me in the abdomen, slams my
face. I fall to the ground like a worm. I can't move. I jerk about. I
convulse. I wake up.

I want you so bad this might be a dream. I want your body in my face. I
want to live in your odor. I want you all over me. I want my body bruised
with you. I want your territory marked. Listen: I sleep again. This is the
worst. I am in pain. I am standing near a table or desk. A security guard
walks by. I reach for his gun. I take it from his holster. It's a nine
millimeter pistol.

I am looking at you now, Nikuko. I am undressing you with my eyes. I take
the pistol and begin shooting. People try to leave to my left, there is a
door. It is brown, wood. I shoot them. The pistol hums, it doesn't go
pop-pop-pop. It hums with the beauty of death. It warms to my hand. I am
in fury. I am furious anger. I will take everyone out.

Yes, Nikuko, this is healthy. This is a true way of thinking. I mow them
down. I mow everyone down, left and right. People are screaming. It means
nothing to me, I let them scream. Do you see how I am, Nikuko, how it is.

Nothing bothers me, Nikuko, nothing. Listen: I run out of ammunition. For
a moment I am afraid all will be lost. I have numerous clips I have taken
from the security guard. From somewhere, I have a second gun. I hold the
gun on the survivors. I load the clip in the other gun, the first gun, my
warm gun. I am worried I am loading the clip incorrectly. How would I know
how to load a clip.

I first knew I would know how to load a clip when I felt the gun firing
once again, warm in my hand, warm with the beauty of it. No pop-pop-pop,
just the humming sound. People are running and screaming again.

Now I will tell you. There is a silence now. There is a silence and it is
a very deep silence. My anger knows no bounds. It travels through horizons
that move with me, like the horizon of a blood-red boiling ocean. There
are no limits. Nikuko, I tell you, there are no limits. Look at my skin.
Look at all of it. I own you, Nikuko. I own all of you, every bit of you.
Show me all of you, Nikuko. I convulsed in the sheets of the bed. I woke
up.

I woke up frightened, Nikuko, frightened of everything.

I am afraid of my power, of my lack of fear. I am afraid of what I will do
with the gun. I am afraid of infinity. I look at you and undress you with
my eyes. Take everything off, Nikuko, I own you.

I am fascinated by your response to my power.

This is the end of it. You are that girl. You are mine to do what I will.
I am sure you are that girl. Take off your panties.

Is it because girl take off my panties that you came naked and broken to
me? Are you annoyed that girl take off your panties that I came naked and
broken to you? Have you been annoyed often? Stop making excuses for
yourself. Please please don t ever leave me. Are you sure that don t ever
leave you? When did you first know that don t ever leave me? What happened
when did me first know that don t ever leave you? What happened at the
time when did you first know that don t ever leave me? What would happen
if you had a gun and if did me first know that don t ever leave you? Is
the fact that don t ever leave me the real reason? Does the fact that don
t ever leave you the real reason explain anything else? Have you been
positive don t ever leave me the real reason explain anything else? You
mentioned that you would like to seduce? Is it because I would like to
seduce that you came naked and broken to me? Did you ever regret you would
like to seduce that I came naked and broken to you? Why should I get to
seduce? When did you first know that should you get to seduce? What would
happen if we did it or if did me first know that should I get to seduce?
Is the fact that should you get to seduce the real reason? Does the fact
that should I get to seduce the real reason explain anything else? Are you
certain should you get to seduce the real reason explain anything else? Is
it because of your life that you are going through all this?


Buffers Files Tools Edit Search Mule
Help!\210\312^Vn\306\201o^@!\210\312^Vo\306\2 This is the end of it.
1.)unsolicited and 2 You are that girl. You are mine to do what I will. in

06\201q^@!\210\312\211^Vq\207" [typos found o Are you sure girl I am yours
to do what you will?or just to gather fun bucks.  Why people go I am sure
you are that girl. Take off your
panties.\30!#\210\301\30!\304\30!#\21@\207" [x put dorhen c Is it because
girl take off my panties that you came naked and b

what makes you yearn and cry that) (what makes you Is it because girl take
off my panties that you came naked and b ^G Get H

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Please please don t ever leave me.\.\.\.) (so) (mmmmmm) (



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