The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive

January 30, 2002



If you breathe a living word of this I don't know what I'll do. You can't
spread hearsay. This must be absolutely confidential. Because it's our
secret and has to remain that way. No one ever must know this. I'm holding
you to the utmost, Nikuko, absolutely to the utmost. This must be the
limits of our lives and we must not open our mouths under any conditions
at all, Nikuko.

I will break you in pieces if you breathe a word of this to anyone. You
must take this to the grave. You most promise not to say anything. Nikuko,
there is no way out. This is strictly between you and me. No one else has
anything to do with it. No one else can find out anything. Don't leave the
tiniest little clue anywhere or breathe the tiniest little sigh. All the
walls have mouths and all the doors have ears, Nikuko.

I'd rather you fuck me until we drop, rather than reveal a single word of
this. I'd rather you kill me slowly. I'd rather you'd prepare our meals,
rather than discuss this with any of our friends or acquaintances. This is
never to be disclosed, Nikuko, it is our hot breath together, whispered
from one mouth to one ear and listened to by one ear from one mouth. It is
not to be ever spoken of to anyone. It is to be confined between just the
two of us, as if it were in a perfect penitentiary we have made just for
this secret, like Speer in prison.

No one else can know a thing about this, not the tiniest little thing. I
am swearing you to secrecy and myself to secrecy. This can go no further,
not even to our closest friends and relatives. Absolutely, the sweat on
our skins is our absolute bond that we have made between us so no one will
ever have the slightest inkling of this, ever. Even if we fuck and our
sweats intermingle as you prepare our meals, our sweats must not drip and
be interpreted as the most microscopic clue that ever has been left, even
tinier than the smallest fragment of dna, Nikuko, even tinier than the
smallest hydrogen atom in the littlest orbit ever.

Trees would fall and mountains collapse if anyone says anything; this is
the most top top-secret of all the secrets, this is locking us together
forever, there is nothing anyone can give you that would make you reveal
this secret. Not even valleys flooding or great storms would make you
reveal this secret, which is only hearsay and should not be spread
indiscriminately among one and all. Not even fire or whole world wars of
incredible conflagration shall make us give up even one syllable of this
to any living creature, including animals and plants and minerals, or any
other thing or place or emanation on this or any other planet.

Nothing can ever ever be revealed, disclosed, opened up, Nikuko, brought
into the light, given up to the full view, nothing whatsoever, and this
for all time, even past our deaths and internments, even past our
exhumations and reburials, nothing at all.


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