The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive

January 31, 2002


-


the interview


last night i dreamed of blood again, red-brown blood drenching the dream
itself, drenching everything. during the day my boss called in my
co-workers, one after another, and swore them to secrecy. i lost my job,
and i'm never to be told why.

THE TERRIBLE SECRET. this place has a terrible secret. it's an institution
that used to be an airfield. there are signs of the indigenous population
in the thicket on the grounds. the administration wishes to tear down the
thicket. nothing human will grow there.

there is no one to trust, only the simulacrum. THE TERRIBLE SECRET gnaws
at my breast. i will never rest or sleep again until i know THE TERRIBLE
SECRET.

i think there is chemical warfare here. there are mutations everywhere,
ducks, hemiptera of various species, crawling vines in the back of the
thicket. why did they burn the shelter down? in the center of the thicket,
all that remains are several charred uprights. about 25 meters away, a
cabbage palm, half-burned as well. the administration says nothing about
this. the ground is pocked with solution holes, the limestone craggier
than usual.

at night i drive over to the buildings, crawl with flashlight and camera
through the thicket. poisonwood sears my skin; spiders attack. the small
pond on the northern side is almost out of reach. it's there, through the
cattails. in the thicket i have developed a mysterious illness. even now i
am feverish; there are strange welts on my arms.

i develop chills late at night. i must discover THE TERRIBLE SECRET. you
think to yourself, this is a text, a fabrication. you have not been here
when my superior has ordered everyone to remain silent around me. i have
become malignant. everywhere i walk i am accompanied by silence. but they
do not follow me into the thicket, nor do they know my paths there.

it is just about to happen, this revelation. i do know that, i can sense
it in the atala butterflies, in the poisonwood, in the saw palmetto. i can
sense it in a certain trembling of the ground itself, as if it were making
room for something vast.

my superior in everything will be decimated and no longer able to speak to
her inferiors. the thicket will rise up, the pond become a great flood,
the charred palm and wood matches igniting everything in the institution.
nothing will remain but the thicket. the thicket will remain.

beautiful atala butterflies with deep blue-black wings, orange bodies, the
subtlety of embers...


_

nikuko at 67: i am a beautiful woman.
nikuko at 19: i am a beautiful young woman with many years before me.
nikuko at 67: i am a beautiful woman with many years before me.
nikuko at 19: i must break the cycle of wiseness.
nikuko at 67: it is possible to create and destroy worlds.
nikuko at 67: i have destroyed many of my friends.
nikuko at 19: i am furious self-immolation of inconceivable destruction.
nikuko at 67: there are whirlwinds upon worlds upon worlds, enormous
hurricanes of collisions.
nikuko at 19: i will create and destroy worlds. i will create and destroy
hurricanes of inconceivable violence.
nikuko at 67: i will be penetrated. i will absorb storms. i will vomit
water from my mouth, water from my anus.
nikuko at 19: storms, flee onward! nothing shall escape thee! nothing
shall escape me!
nikuko at 19: storms, ye shall never escape! know me! i will spew water
from my mouth, shit from my anus. i will build worlds!
nikuko at 67: i am furious self-immolation of inconceivable dstruction.
nikuko at 19: it is possible to create and destroy worlds.
nikuko at 19: i have destroyed many of my friends.
nikuko at 67: storms, flee onward! nothing shall escape thee! nothing
shall escape me! i am furious with the building of storms! i am furious
with these and every other world!
nikuko at 19: i must break the cycle of wn with many years before me.
nikuko at 67: there are whirlwinds upon wd destroy worlds.
nikuko at 67: i will be penetrated. i wilorlds upon worlds, enormous water
from my mouth, water from my anus.
nikuko at 19: storms, ye shall never escaorlds. i will create and dstroy
from my mouth, shit from my anus. i will orlds. i will create and destroy
nikuko at 19: it is possible to create an
nikuko at 67: storms, flee onward! nothinl absorb storms. i will vommit
shall escape me! i am furious with the bul absorb storms. i will vomit
with these and every other world! l absorb storms. i will vomit
nikuko at 19: i must break the cycle of wl absorb storms i will vomit
nikuko at 19: storms, ye shall never esca from my mouth, shit from my
anus, i will
nikuko at 67: storms, flee onward! nothin friends. shall escape me! i am
furious with the bu friends. with these and every other world! n of
inconceivable destruction.
nikuko at 67: i have destroyed many of myn with many years before me.
nikuko at 67: i am a beautiful woman.
nikuko at 19: i am a beautiful young woman with many years before me.
nikuko at 67: i am a beautiful woman with many years before me.
nikuko at 19: i must break the cycle of wiseness.
nikuko at 67: it is possible to create and destroy worlds.


_

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