Message-ID: <Pine.NEB.4.44.0210241812180.3219-100000@panix1.panix.com>
From: Alan Sondheim <sondheim@panix.com>
To: Cyb <cybermind@listserv.aol.com>,
"WRYTING-L : Writing and Theory across Disciplines" <WRYTING-L@LISTSERV.UTORONTO.CA>
Subject: portrait of the artist
Date: Thu, 24 Oct 2002 18:12:33 -0400 (EDT)
portrait of the artist subsequent when you were young could take the wilderness for granted. young, atomic energy was a promise and premise of limitless power, who knows what wonders would be solved world-wide. world mechanized electrical, your environment composed fuses, motors, vacuum tubes, rheostats, variometers. public transportation dominate future. industrial based on substance quantity, coal steel. there two sexes polish radio. fox-trots polkas. sky gray papers listed which mines working day, closed. deaths miners reported regularly. bounded by slate-green mountains, slag-piles, thin winding roads to distant cities, scranton new york. heavy snows tricycles, comfort an extended family scattered across small town kingston. jews chanukah parties. old men playing checkers around square in wilkes-barre. still are. bear, fields middle kingston, dolmen backyard great aunt uncle's. milk bottles recycled father came home from war. had first sorobon japanese children's books remember this day. no crime walter winchell figured valley mafia headquarters it was. pittston another world. fears floods later earlier. saw comet, studied runes, read about forests. everything seemed growth. we partners with natural order. magic saturday afternoon movies, or three cartoons, cowboys. colors truths. school whispers darkness warmth inconceivable partings attempted suicides ravages depressions. never recovered depression nineteen-twenty-nine would. i'd listen short-wave voices hungarian revolution. go walking thick woods waterfalls streams. america care everyone poor become happy well-fed wealth redistributed full grace. slaughtered neutron bombs doomsday machines machinery took fearful life its own. languages walked grace memory susquehanna. assembled skeleton found carboniferous flora within layers slate imagined earlier fierce rains crack thunderstorms. at stake. began counting footsteps everywhere continued them. twice naked female cousins hidden corners expanding sight. railroad tracks watch steam-engines. mother perfect cold divided that way, women, coldness men, darker things. saved bird broken wing set, released, tropical fish graced tank dining-room, angelfish, angelfish. walk read, tried learn trigonometry, disciplined enough. dream flying among planets helping people we'd state somewhere all live happily. always afraid. have injections allergies weekly basis, get hives lips eyes swollen hardly breathe sometimes see. wore glasses them constantly aware doubled site. love woman worked went crazy disappeared she mind grandfather mother's side kindest nicest person into his attic play mysteries there, they remained pet snake season baby alligator died so bewildered forgive parents saddest day life, number alligators crocodiles infinite nature plentiful, cornucopia, parts same world, war around. sailing, boat sway lake, wooden slow beautiful, sank dock, drowning every living thing. brother sister lived house. box names friends magically keep stay forever. became only friend, secret messages, disappeared, night float stars save girl most crush knew thinnest crust, fall through, wasn't even matter time, happening thought myself worthless coward. hurricane happiest moment ever, grappled our nature, breathed pure violent gales. cash register bank black machine showed films tiny screen hand-cranked miracles motion unlike any other television distant-sight, often test patterns favorite screen. cried whenever things destroyed movies television, falling apart, going through crust. medical trials volumes nuremberg trials, wrote almost kicked out school, those horrors me animals their way. i fill space worlds my own creation. these kindness slowly move coward, hiding everyone. dominated absolutely temper, hide understood. solace refuge me, memories. made telescopes. watched forever participate. watching outside kill alone. Thu Oct 24 16:45:12 EDT 2002 early source when you were young you could take the wilderness for granted. when you were young, atomic energy was a promise and a premise of limitless power, and who knows what wonders would be solved world-wide. when you were young, the world was mechanized and electrical, and your environment was composed of fuses, motors, vacuum tubes, rheostats, variometers. when you were young, public transportation would dominate the future. and when you were young, the industrial world was based on substance and quantity, coal and steel. when you were young, there were two sexes and polish on the radio. when you were young there were fox-trots and polkas. when you were young, the sky was gray and the papers listed which mines were working for the day, which were closed. when you were young, the deaths of miners were reported regularly. when you were young, the world was bounded by slate-green mountains, slag-piles, thin winding roads to distant cities, scranton and new york. when you were young, there were heavy snows and tricycles, and the comfort of an extended family scattered across the small town of kingston. when you were young, there were jews and chanukah parties. when you were young, there were the old men playing checkers around the square in wilkes-barre. there still are. when you were young, there were bear, and fields in the middle of kingston, and a dolmen in the backyard of your great aunt and uncle's. when you were young, milk bottles were recycled and your father came home from a war. when you were young, you had your first sorobon and japanese children's books you remember to this day. when you were young, there was no crime and walter winchell figured the valley for the mafia headquarters it was. when you were young, pittston was another world. when you were young, there were fears of floods which came later and earlier. when you were young, you saw a comet, studied runes, and read about forests. when you were young, everything seemed old growth. when you were young, we seemed in partners with the natural order. when you were young, the magic of saturday afternoon movies, two or three cartoons, the cowboys. when you were young there were colors and truths. when you were young, your school was your world. when you were young, there were whispers in the darkness and the warmth of inconceivable partings and attempted suicides and the ravages of depressions. when you were young the valley had never recovered from the depression of nineteen-twenty-nine and never would. when you were young i'd listen to the short-wave world and the voices of the hungarian revolution. when you were young, i'd go walking with your father in thick woods with waterfalls and streams. when you were young, america would take care of everyone and the poor would become happy and well-fed and wealth would be redistributed and the world would be full of grace. when you were young the world would be slaughtered by neutron bombs or doomsday machines and machinery took on a fearful life of its own. when you were young there were languages and we walked the woods with the grace of the memory of the susquehanna. when you were young you assembled a skeleton and when you were young you found carboniferous flora within the layers of coal and slate and imagined walking the earlier and earlier and earlier forests. when you were young there were fierce rains and the crack of thunderstorms. when you were young your life was at stake. when you were young you began counting your footsteps everywhere and continued counting and counting them. when you were young you were twice naked with your female cousins in hidden corners of expanding sight. when you were young you would go with your father to the railroad tracks and watch and listen to the steam-engines. when you were young your mother was perfect and your father was cold and everything divided that way, the warmth of the women, coldness of the men, and whispers of darker things. when you were young we saved a bird with a broken wing which was set, and the bird released, and when you were young tropical fish graced a tank in the dining-room, and you remember the angelfish, the angelfish. when you were young, you would walk and walk and read and read, and tried to learn trigonometry, and were never disciplined enough. when you were young you would dream of flying among planets and helping people and helping poor people everywhere and we'd found a state somewhere in the middle of america and we would all live there happily. when you were young, you were always afraid. when you were young, you would have injections for allergies on a weekly basis, and you would get hives and your lips and eyes would become swollen and you could hardly breathe and sometimes hardly see. when you were young, you wore glasses and wore them constantly and were always aware of the doubled world of site. when you were young you were in love with a woman who worked for your family and went crazy and disappeared and when you were young she was always in your mind and when you were young your grandfather on your mother's side was the kindest nicest person in the world. when you were young, you would go into his attic and play with the mysteries there, and there were always mysteries everywhere and they remained mysteries and always would. when you were young you had a pet snake for a season and a baby alligator which died and was so bewildered and you could never forgive your parents and it was the saddest day of your life, and when you were young the number of alligators and crocodiles was infinite and nature was plentiful, a cornucopia, and we were all parts of the same world, and there was war in the world, and the war was all around. when you were young, we went sailing, and the boat would sway on the lake, and the boat was wooden and slow and beautiful, and when you were young, the boat sank at the dock, and it was the drowning of every living thing. when you were young, your brother and sister and you lived in the same house. when you were young, you had a small box with the names of your friends and you would magically keep the names there and your friends would stay forever. when you were young, you became your only friend, and would read your secret messages, and everyone disappeared, and at night you would float among the stars and planets and you would save the girl you had the most crush on in the world. when you were young, you knew the world was the thinnest crust, and everything would fall in and through, and it wasn't even a matter of time, it was happening every day. when you were young, you thought myself a worthless coward. when you were young, you went walking in a hurricane and this was your happiest moment ever, and nature grappled with our world, and it was the same world, and the same nature, and we breathed the pure violent gales. when you were young, you had a cash register bank in black and a black machine that showed films on a tiny screen and was hand-cranked and the films were miracles of motion unlike any other in the world. when you were young, television was distant-sight, and the screen was often test patterns and that was your favorite screen. when you were young, you cried whenever you saw things destroyed in the movies or on television, and you thought the world was falling apart, and we were going through the crust. when you were young you read the medical trials volumes of the nuremberg war trials, and you wrote about them and were almost kicked out of school, and those horrors remained with me forever. when you were young, all animals were perfect in their way. when i was young, i wrote to fill the space of the world with worlds of my own creation. when i was young, these worlds were a comfort and a kindness and i could slowly move within them. when i was young, i was a coward, hiding from everyone. when i was young, my father dominated absolutely with his temper, and i would hide and never understood. when i was young, my mother was a solace and a refuge and a world. when i was young, my father would go walking in the woods with me, and these were my happiest memories. when i was young, i made telescopes. when i was young, i watched the world forever and knew i would never participate. when i was young, i was watching from outside the world. when i was young, i knew i could never kill a living thing. when i was young, i was alone. when i was young, i could take the wilderness for granted. Thu Oct 24 16:45:12 EDT 2002 ===