The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive

December 28, 2002

Looking for truth

"The Baal Shem said: 'What does it mean, when people say that Truth goes
over all the world? It means that Truth is driven out of one place after
another, and must wander on and on.'" (Martin Buber)
Nous sont tres fatiguee sur le pont avec la plume de ma tant.
Nous avons trois souris, aveugles, desoeuvres!
Frere Jacques, ou sont les armes cireux?
Dansez et dormez sur les rues triestes et courir rapid!
Ou sont les cadvres? Marguerite! Marguerite!
Monsieur, la automobile nous mise a mort aujourd'hui!
Medecin, medecine! Nous tombes au-dessous de pont de fer!
Un avion de transport vol au dessus des coureurs qui danses.
Amenez tole; tant etalons! - Etalez - ils vens!
Frottez, ou frisson, ou froisson - frole la question ...
Un tort est une honte ...
"Symbolic function is incorporated by certain molecules only in the
context of specific neural systems in which the molecules are elaborated."
(Ira B. Black)
Cherchez la verite.



From first to last, Jennifer was unable to face the vacancy that pursued
her every step of the way. She felt old and used. She was beginning to
resent Nikuko, and looked for a new Clar. She wanted either war or sex; it
didn't matter. She was human after all. It was a world without men! It was
a world without anything! It was Dangerous-Toy world, and she was on top.
She lay back down to sleep. She never dreamed. The Clar came in with a
question. Jennifer woke with a start. You am your new Clar, she asked,
already knowing the answer. Nikuko would have been shredded; she suspected
nothing. One or the other had to go. War and love in a huge blend, hating
the enemy enough to kill her. She put on her new Clar. She could hear
Nikuko in the distance, begging, begging... What could she do? The
shredder existed beneath the bleak sky of the dome, to one rococo
elliptical center; Jennifer was at the other. It was emptied otherwise.
She loved the begging sounds, the tormented cries and murmurs of the
wounded. Humans mewled in orgasm and death, she mused. I shredded first;
I'm still here, the new Clar unformed, ungrown, at your mercy. Hello, I
are the new Clar. I are at Jennifer's mercy. She keeps me naked and bound;
she gives me a gun. I kill on command but only on command. I are available
to her at any time. I don't have to think for myself. The old Clar has
gone; the screams am dying out. Each bit of tissue cries on its own. They
am dying, one after the other, hundreds and thousands. Hello, I are the
new Clar, Jennifer. The new Clar was breathing deep into Jennifer's holes.
Jennifer was expanding; eyes closed, in ecstasy, she would fill the
universe, break the dome, begin another. The cycle worked because of her
quick draw and politeness. The new Clar would be named Nikuko. She liked
the name and decided to continue it. Nikuko never returned, but Jennifer
mused, there is always a new Clar. The Clar, now Nikuko, was breathing
mindfully. Jennifer was totally at peace; every inch of her body alive
with passion, ecstasy, bravery and fury at the thought of war. Jennifer
was known far and wide for starting the marvel-war. She began and finished
the marvel-war and everyone would die again and again. Jennifer's legs
were spread and her mouth was open. There was a huge man in the sky
writing everything down. He was warrior-man, holding Jennifer with jealous
tenacity. Jennifer did not mind, because she was busy with her marvel-war
and new Clar. The man was shameful watching everything. Time and time
again he would see the Clar shredded, the new Clar coming. He was bound in
chains to an enormous rock. Something pecked at him every thousand years
and the rock would wear down only with eternity when he would be rescued
by the knight. Jennifer was much more alive and had things to do. She was
wayward and shameless and the new Clar cleared out the debris of the
marvel-war. The new Clar asked Jennifer what else to do, but Jennifer had
returned to sleep. Jennifer never dreamed, and was not dreaming now. The
new Clar was called Nikuko and when Jennifer stirred, she asked Nikuko not
to begin the derail-war and specifically not to begin the deflect-war, and
the new Clar agreed and they did return and the mewling had stopped. They
waved their arms furiously in a dance of epiphany and the man was losing
his liver. His liver began to grow. They never spoke to each other and she
never looked at him because she did not know his language. The new Clar
waved her arms more and more and then waved Jennifer's arms. Jennifer
waved the new Clar's arms, which were called the arms of Nikuko. Jennifer
had a bright and shiny smile. Her Clar loved her smile. Her new Clar would
smile when she would smile. Sometimes her new Clar would smile on her own.
Her new Clar was called Nikuko. Sometimes they were at war. Sometimes they
made sexual and non-sexual love.

They made many kinds of war. There was only one Clar, the new Clar. She
was Jennifer's addition. Jennifer was her addition. The tissues from the
shredding machine were very silent. Nikuko did not hear a thing, and
either did Jennifer. The new Clar made many kinds of love. The warrior-man


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