Message-ID: <Pine.NEB.4.51.0301232239350.3055@panix1.panix.com>
From: Alan Sondheim <sondheim@panix.com>
To: Cyb <cybermind@listserv.aol.com>,
"WRYTING-L : Writing and Theory across Disciplines" <WRYTING-L@LISTSERV.UTORONTO.CA>
Subject: article potentially for trAce - alan
Date: Thu, 23 Jan 2003 22:39:45 -0500 (EST)
alansondheim Worldsex ... 'lying together, look over your lover, it's the face of the other, it's the face of an other' ... Let us take for granted that online and online(offline) sex (as a result of online sex) are prevalent and transforming, for those who can afford the proper connections, bandwidth, and time. Let us take for granted as well that these sexualities occur within a stadium of exhibitionisms, voyeurisms, seductions, of, and in relation to, others - that there is almost always a shuddering or splitting of bodies, a shattering of bodies dividing as a result of intrusions of mass-communications and machine- mediated perception into what used to be private domains. Let us further look at the history of personal historical knowledge, the history of private or personal lives, including ancestors, antecedents, descendents, traditions of naming, and the naming of others. We might note that in online or online(offline) sexuality, there is the _absent or disconnected_ population, the disenfranchised population, the refugee or hungered populations, the violated populations, who are neither conscious or operative as such - the miseries of underdevelopment playing a large role in this. Let us note our own role in these populations, our own belonging, our own violence as another arm of voluptuousness. History resides, if anywhere, within the disconnected population; it is within connectivity and the continuous production of history, that history itself disconnects. There is reality without reality tv; there is tv with reality tv. Countries bomb countries they cannot place on a map; no two people ever speak the same language in the coupling of bodies. Everything I am saying is a myth, lie, only to point out that online, online(offline) sexualities don't occur in a vacuum; they're against the background of others, of the erasure of history and the weakening of political posturing, of the almost continuous splitting of bodies, of the introjection and projection - 'jectivity' of others to the extent that identities are problematic, exchanged/renamed/stolen/intensified - that the politics in all of this are lost in orgasm, that there's no turning back, that we're all heading towards fucking armageddon - ii It's Worldsex: Do you recognize your own prosthesis? The turmoil of bodies tends towards no bodies at all; the computer screen is already sexualized as you can hardly keep your hands on the keys. Eyes float in relation to proferred images. Perhaps this is already a form of war. iii Falling in Love Online (part of an article published in Tamil, 1999) Here you are, happily married, with two children. Your husband has a great job and you're a little bit bored and so you join some Internet communi- ties, just to relax. You find yourself chatting away about some recent novels you've read, and you complain that your husband really doesn't have much time to read, and isn't all that interested anyway. Before long, someone starts talking to you; Sagdish tells you that he, too, reads a lot of novels, but he lives alone and has no one talk to, and he likes poetry as well. You begin chatting with him more than with anyone else - before this, you had flitted from conversation to conversation, but now you find yourself drawn in. You log in late at night, and every time you do this, your heart skips a beat, hoping Sagdish will be there, and he usually is. You start talking a bit more intimately with him - about the fact that you can't really relate to your husband's business, and you feel lonely every so often, and he says that he feels lonely too. One night your husband comes in and finds you typing away at the computer and he asks, what are you doing? You answer, nothing, just talking to some people, and for the first time you find yourself hiding something from your husband - that something is Sagdish. You realize you've crossed a line somewhere, but you don't feel it's all that serious - after all, it's only the Internet, and there's nothing to lose or gain - it's just a game, and Sagdish helps take your loneliness away. You decide to be more careful when your husband's around - you don't really want him to question you any more about this. And you look more and more towards those chats with Sagdish, who is becoming part of your life. You find yourself exchanging email with him, and you wait nervously every day for his email and the chats. You begin dreaming about him. One day he asks what you look like, and you describe yourself, but you don't have a picture online. He persists, and you say you'll send him one, an extra one that you just happen to have. You mail it to him when your husband's not around, and Sagdish puts his picture on the Net, and you go and look at him, and your dreams begin taking more and more shape. You find yourself telling Sagdish everything, things you have never told your husband - things you could never tell him. You find yourself doing this quickly; all this activity has lasted only a month, and even though you're usually shy, you're quite aggressive with him. You confess that sex with your husband hasn't been all that good, and Sagdish asks you the details. Somewhere around this time, another line is crossed; you begin writing sexually to each more, more explicitly than you ever thought possible. You become more and more nervous around your husband and children, who guess that something is wrong, and don't know what to do about it. You insist to yourself that everything is a game, but you won't talk about it to your family, and you begin to feel isolated in the house. Your husband confronts you angrily, and demands that you tell him what is going on. You mention only that you have this friend Sagdish, who helps take away your loneliness when your husband is at work, and your husband demands that you stop writing and talking with him online. At first you go along with this, and don't contact Sagdish for a couple of days. And then you go back, as usual, almost as if you're addicted to a drug. Your husband gets angrier and angrier with you, and you don't know what to do. You write about all of this with Sagdish, who begs to telephone you and talk about it directly. One day, Sagdish calls, and you find yourself in love with his voice, and you talk for over an hour. He calls any number of times after this, always when your husband is out and another line is crossed. You believe that Sagdish is the only person who understands you, even though you have never met him in person. Sagdish fills your dreams and your life. One day your husband walks in during the day, and you are on the phone. There is a huge fight, and he walks out, and moves to an apartment in the vicinity. You are alone with the children, and a few days later, you meet Sagdish for the first time, in real life. ===