The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive

January 2, 2004

10 years explains nothing about my work

hand has healed  but i still worry infection  depression's flaring up of
information   note that the kristevan thing relates to depression  and
reflect descent again into fact these texts are does a text on depression
belong here  in midst discussions cmc   it  which can be held as weapon or
object   my  for exam  believe its moments articulation speech  well
numbers people  email may intensive  speech of  other words  speaks around
itself  not necessarily avoid  grateful privileged witness  paradoxically
absorption  our strength sapped  flaccid  thus part perineum sutures
embryonic body following beneath

 dealing with after spousal death depression  it no longer matters if
anything is recognized recog  at moon  from terminal turned away  know i'm
deep because envelope  received some stems within mind  thwarted
impossibly reconfig  room  filling holes  crack  mouth  for also it's

 privacy  driving this account   cry  gether  feeds solitude  strengthens
itself feeling one all   this  state  ready go out der contestation
interior exterior fuzzy  clouded  so  thing  depression  alterity
catching subject short  had thought might have died  we were both
susceptible sinks totality  alcohol  sleep  psychotropic drugs hole
leaking ink  inscribing thud bodies depression   here matrix understood
world disinvests  decathects ever invested  cathected  unlike there
general  woke depths again  online would saved me  relative contentment
simplicity  without raging comes cyberspace deflected recognition
depressions sorrows will blind me truth's absence also  think past  write
good times then hits takes over any relationship time  off like water
duck's back apparently never did melts perfectly landscape an alluvial
incipient mild  on way deeper  continue rest life      watched side birth
projection          iiii walked severe depressions  book  jealous
everyone  bitter nice  sure sign command center no  hands inscribe last

 xy planetary psychosis rest ethics fears depressions representations goes
by death done half it chemistry quarter texts who loses libido pain way
functioning brings what you saying relation subject between states
shifting toward frustration despair small towards thinking resources
overcoming anger perhaps core depression can't see in form hymen keeps
entering discourse don't rhetoric rhetoric connects borderlining find
myself becoming world thoughts language ravage violation fabric
encountered topographic allow enough wadi as sirhan community wake tears
return begin contains weather ice violation violent defuge alt cracks alt
support depression alt sex voyeurism alt engr explosives lust julu
voyeurism lust engr explosives lust support depression few days
temporarily lifted only intensify high mainly continuous now going down
stall door believing talisman neurosis hysteria psychosis breaking point
give help enunciation signifier "to express yourself " succesfully fought
"fabrication trust " construct say love truths empties pears too much
history longing things recognizing waning dying out embers depres cases
seen through dark glass her ful fil choses neuroses elations far possible
seems far fetched those writing hold reality present issue everything
decathects instead we'll foreclose illness cancel it bandwidth  they're
storms all they're sullen depressions   residue truth read

twelve to fourteen hours a day  depression sliding down the walls during
killed themselves heard  softness  not so  says jennifer   alan all
explain insomnias although occurs  most important characteristic life
stress sinking randomly somnolence  exhilaration  space time  later
possible well now  when writing  some  becomes token catalyzes memory
etched aligned stamped embroidered heart  made fallen  too  fallen
there's questionable function illnesses  neur  sullen  lawrence was clear
am forth   type emotional religious experience  day      cuts penis
headaches    crying   root tty  tue feb         crash         truth lies
madness do mathematics venting obsession  despair  single time  computer
crashes        also tied orgasm time time   heartburn mornings  almost
enough  delicate regret  condition effect excessive pression coming close
second  wants read    slogging in  here want wolfhe cried scratched
himself jennifer tion abandonment  inchoate street stops bring depth  hope
so! boy  get depressed!  sexual arousal  exhilaration rare occasions  they
fight suicidal miami  fury even someone else's salvation   sadness turning
depression   what broken limbs   she senses "the hitting her"   "the why
philosophy cannot disregard theory responsive illness and or gateway
internalized anger  potential eidetic reduction unaccompanied certain
mourning  cut     i      m she everywhere against porifera occupying same
shallow world  family  create old friends  reaching beyond two codeine
ceiling submerged  sexuality  dreams wonder affects  cholesterol
maintenance  celexa obsessive depression    state ends transform
substance  faced failures  depressions  tolerates melds away horror  today
saw tiny turtles       r      h minute holding abeyance  recently
recovered nineteen twenty nine would  i'd young valley lose friends ilk
proceeding antennae antennas personal ws     english    gertrud        *
primal dullness lh root please social life  death  geographical
feature depression  qi   build laying bricks stones    foot floored bare
dirt   set leads locked  aimlessly question  ## among four hundred &
seventy two  sets live furious diseases wars take suicide  up  this  end
words    letters    mail  them  from  alt corn husks depression
reinforcing another often  say  myself  try deal self hatred  sometimes
lines deeper than wanted go  moved sidetrack sidetalk glasses  seven inch
cock  nervousness  quiet nodes  left order reassert what  ontic catatonia
grows bounds  checkpoints  interiors exteriors  exits inroads  covers
brownout great numbing low temperature meaning loosened drum  stars
winking poverty  isolation grief rwanda  new heights  terrifying me
enormous past despair evening felt 'even ' waiting wasn't lie familiar
feelings murder reverses drinking rum  etiquette fales  lexapro  just
surface  mineral " surely    hours  waiting post vacation sink


---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Fri, 2 Jan 2004 13:16:09 -0500
From: Tom Ritchford <>
Subject: [extreme] the loser's guide to getting lucky

Last Updated: Monday, 22 December, 2003, 13:23 GMT

The loser's guide to getting lucky

By Professor Richard Wiseman
University of Hertfordshire

Why do some people get all the luck while others
never get the breaks they deserve? A psychologist
says he has discovered the answer.

Ten years ago, I set out to examine luck.

I wanted to know why some people are always in
the right place at the right time, while others
consistently experience ill fortune.

I placed advertisements in national newspapers
asking for people who felt consistently lucky or
unlucky to contact me.

Hundreds of extraordinary men and women
volunteered for my research and, over the years,
I have interviewed them, monitored their lives
and had them take part in experiments.

Professor Wiseman's top tips

The results reveal that although these people
have almost no insight into the causes of their
luck, their thoughts and behaviour are
responsible for much of their good and bad

  Those who have succeeded at anything and don't
mention luck are kidding themselves

Larry King
Take the case of seemingly chance opportunities.
Lucky people consistently encounter such
opportunities, whereas unlucky people do not.

I carried out a simple experiment to discover
whether this was due to differences in their
ability to spot such opportunities.

I gave both lucky and unlucky people a newspaper,
and asked them to look through it and tell me how
many photographs were inside.

Professor Wiseman's formula came too late for some...
I had secretly placed a large message halfway
through the newspaper saying: "Tell the
experimenter you have seen this and win �250."

This message took up half of the page and was
written in type that was more than two inches


It was staring everyone straight in the face, but
the unlucky people tended to miss it and the
lucky people tended to spot it.

  Everything in life is luck

Donald Trump
Unlucky people are generally more tense than
lucky people, and this anxiety disrupts their
ability to notice the unexpected.

As a result, they miss opportunities because they
are too focused on looking for something else.

They go to parties intent on finding their
perfect partner and so miss opportunities to make
good friends.

They look through newspapers determined to find
certain types of job advertisements and miss
other types of jobs.

Self-fulfilling prophecies

Lucky people are more relaxed and open, and
therefore see what is there rather than just what
they are looking for.

  Luck is believing you're lucky

Tennessee Williams
My research eventually revealed that lucky people
generate good fortune via four principles.

They are skilled at creating and noticing chance
opportunities, make lucky decisions by listening
to their intuition, create self-fulfilling
prophesies via positive expectations, and adopt a
resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into

Towards the end of the work, I wondered whether
these principles could be used to create good

I asked a group of volunteers to spend a month
carrying out exercises designed to help them
think and behave like a lucky person.

Dramatic results

These exercises helped them spot chance
opportunities, listen to their intuition, expect
to be lucky, and be more resilient to bad luck.

  I am a great believer in luck, and I find the
harder I work, the more I have of it

Thomas Jefferson
One month later, the volunteers returned and
described what had happened. The results were
dramatic: 80% of people were now happier, more
satisfied with their lives and, perhaps most
important of all, luckier.

The lucky people had become even luckier and the unlucky had become lucky.

Finally, I had found the elusive "luck factor" .

Here are Professor Wiseman's four top tips for becoming lucky:

	*	Listen to your gut instincts - they are normally right

	*	Be open to new experiences and breaking your normal routine

	*	Spend a few moments each day remembering things that went well

	*	Visualise yourself being lucky
before an important meeting or telephone call.
Luck is very often a self-fulfilling prophecy

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(culled from

a 10-year history of

net work,

loving comprehension.  I am typing this lovingly, morosely, on my Compaq
Aero 486/25; the bright- derous for the eye, loving to the ears as well -
and is there a difference cept, of distant loving is for me, by its very
nature, violent, violating, another post. they surround lovingly the
breast of clara hielo, the Clara: thinking and loving, writing, the murmur
of the world saving the signifier. Rock has nothing against paper; paper
lovingly co- hole: this is what appears out of cyberspace, the challenge
of loving the pages, yours, letters swollen, loving your mouth. they will
lovingly listen to your talking, and they will talk with you. 3000 be
around to celebrate it my writings will be ash this list beyond Jones'
writings which were reissued) - and I couldn't play blues;  writings have
boundaries blurried by duplications, erasures, transforms surrounding him
(his writings); in any case, the case in which dyslexia Siva, The Erotic
Ascetic; her writings on Hinduism have some affinity, I is no hope. My
great vision has disappeared in little writings. I lose

  scattered among interpenetrated writings writings share accountancy in
common, the earlier computers considered The dispersion of the first and
last writings are identical. One connects, First and last _writings_
ordains Being with matrix, Male, video, 1992, 40' Revised Greatest Hits,
video, 1992, 118' Wupatki, video, 1990, 15' Angelina and Sorrow, video,
1989, 13' [Note: This does not include film before 1980 or video before
1988.] 10 videotapes completed for Cogitations Ltd., 1973 resistance;
when, about eight months ago, I began discussing video cli- phony and
video, and linux. placing the others. Audio, video, and extended
graphics/animation modal- techniques at times reminiscent, say, of video
compression - and that providing soundwork for Merce Cunningham), Gordon
Mumma, Cornelius Cardew, lied - not counting the cd soundwork or the
potential video - my texts and still images, with some of the
music/soundwork. oh i can move among spaces videos, soundworks, and
performances. Nikuko would pirouette for Doctor and the labor involved
which was the inverse of the soundworks, in which 2. That raw telnet works
with talkers reasonably well - the only real pro- Here's how the net
works. You get attracted to someone. You write back and into hacking and
internet works - storms all they're sullen depressions residue truth read
twelve to fourteen hours a day depression sliding down the walls during
depression what broken limbs she senses "the hitting her"  "the why
maintenance celexa obsessive depression state ends transform substance
faced failures depressions tolerates melds away horror today feature
depression qi build laying bricks stones foot floored bare words letters
mail them from alt corn husks depression depression like a mineral." for
the most part a thing of the past. Surely this is part of depression, it
in about 20 hours or so (waiting for post-vacation depression to sink I
mean this literally; I feel the onset of illness, simulacra piled on,
Isn't it always a case of illness, I'll-ness. I'll tell you the truth,
stillness, coldness in pre-Columbian night - must be to be reading #15 in
can occur in any chronic or debilitating illness.  ther organ,
membrane-spreads of _illnesses of the surface,_ attacks on cal or
physio-psychological illnesses, or physio-illnesses, any and by the birch
(denuded by illness as the species slowly disappears), to give a name to
your illness, give a name to your illness 1999 smiling everywhere, yet
other organs, uncanny stillness, strangeness mother's illness, which has
taken a terrible turn for the worse. I keep lete, the passing of a
favorite. There is an incontrovertible sadness

 making you feel wonderful."}, {"cry", "%n cries, half in sadness and sary
to present this sadness: "_a_ [..] yards," indicative of a tiny rough with
the roar of trucks, sadnesses and consolations. I picked them up; I
There's sadness in the forest if you've reached this part. You forget
Hokusai cries, half in sadness and mourning, half in pure exhaustion. la
daraine There's sadness in the forest if you've reached this part. in
algaes, & hearing there are other things in the world & sadness of as
moans of despair, sobs of sadness. They were the groanings of a per-

  much sadness although ( a fact the _instrument_ of the death of the
species, the death of being- locate ourselves in the dominion of death. It
will never strike us down When death comes, it comes in full view; you can
hear it. Today I walked durate, even death which is becoming a
_deduction._ For ourselves, for olding. So isn't death a residue? death,
love, colonization; they stop objects from sliding beyond tradi-

 Gender: vaginality/eccentric space/binding/origin/death/displacement
death |, meets the totalizahon of organs, and so on. Thus I am y i Seduced
solitude oi death in both I am hole again.  death and its simulacra.)
monitoring need only be properly applied, coupled with realistic violence,
ear development of the violence of territory? Hunting _grounds_ are un-
Native American had to lose ground. Ignorance, racism and violence accom-
I don't suggest you seek it out. It is on the far side of rape, violence,
a lot of this work doesn't problematize its own representation of violence
it! You get violent, threaten violence; you get mean, flame once or twice,
is going to be anything more than the transposing of violence to cyber-
within me, keeping her violence (to which I respond with my own) going,
The violence of a flame in cyberspace kills someone through the force of
Note in passing (as this is all in passing) the violence inherent in the
to bombings, aerial or otherwise, missiles of crews, sical acts humans are
capable of. The Net is tending towards increased Is there anything other
than temporary identities, softwares, communities, and time, continuously
upgraded software, electronic investment, variety planet heading towards
the double cusp of plague and pure virtuality. As or thwarted precisely to
the extent that it is not Being but emergence it- cing the texts within,
if I alone am aware of this? And such a totality sion. It's awkward,
inoperable; it belongs nowhere. It's not publishable incoherent
maintenance of inscriptions. Spew is also desire thwarted, tendenz towards
retirement, towards a closure beyond the Net 1-14, beyond finally,
furtively, discarded. So it must continue onward, push itself can kill us;
our bodies rapidly absorb bullets, pollutions, viruses, poi- and
pollutions exhaust the land everywhere. In spite of occasional suc- tions
- extinctions, pollutions, desertifications, abandonments, colonias,
pollution, nightly pollutions So you see, this teetering world, these
texts, these cultures, pollutions, in kelp, seed-pods of aquatic plants
adapting to stratified pollutions
  pollutions reaching down to the very depths of the seas.
  - it is all the same beneath imploded signifiers, extinctions, inverting
his policies of ruthless extinctions enclaves of rich prepare for war.
extinctions have reached maximum warriors of extinctions - policy of
scorched worlds - mindfulness and the and humans on the way to
extinctions... _lost processes,_ extinctions of variables and elegance.
The _shamble_ word to cover changes such as flexiwork, global extinctions,
here i will survive until the final extinctions animal/plant extinctions,
my inability to support myself at this point, tions - extinctions,
pollutions, desertifications, abandonments, colonias, guor, infinite
erotics, starvations, extinctions: FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY.



    moaning, nietzsche's
quote by nietzsche, from his notebooks    There is no  form  in nature,
child I used to do errands for Mr. nietzsche? I carried his rucksack when
wheel which returns, qua nietzsche, only within an inconceivable future,
science  no matter what warnings came from nietzsche, Kierkegaard, etc.
nietzsche, and Barthes; Lingis' exhilerated accounts of the other/
nietzsche isn't working, neither Holderlin nor Wagner, nor destiny, nothing
nietzsche fumbled through the spittle of remembering the shapes he was
lovely shaved, skin inscribed with nietzsche's troubled dreams;  he'd
His asshole whimpered and he knew he was a woman and a Jew. nietzsche
nietzsche fumbles with the children, dumb! dumb! He thinks, I have to save
nietzsche Sues The Factory, Factory Down in Flames. That Will Teach them!
nietzsche thinks he spells his name. He WORRIES the children. HE WANTS TO
 Whenever he rants, nietzsche is no doubt really original. On such occa
nietzsche and Karl Kraus  hmmm... all Germans    trying to create a kind
nietzsche's Television
could ever believe this nonsense   way before radio? Against nietzsche
 anything at all.  Think of the  last message  from nietzsche's rare
long run  nietzsche would have liked this manipulation    but then
thee. Let us not forget that Heidegger, after nietzsche, was  blind
tomorrow it may be nietzsche and Heidegger again. Certainly I look
Kristeva, other depressives   I'd even put nietzsche in there through a
enhauer, Kant, Kierkegaard, nietzsche who he finds seductive, Heidegger,
thought. In nietzsche's time, or Kierkegaard's, both branches might well
dues, Kristeva, nietzsche, Quine, that I should have died.  Ruining my
 nietzsche, Ecce Homo.
nietzsche, in spite of his gaze, cleared of the necessity of the clot
What nietzsche has lost by virtue of  soap  and the  problems of soap,
   chapters on: Kant, Hegel, Marx, nietzsche, Weber ...
   and chapters on: Kant, Hegel, Marx, nietzsche,
   Hegel, Marx, nietzsche, Weber, Freud,
with nietzsche, Bataille, Jabes, and others, for whom the fragment is
Diogenes, nietzsche hobbles along, also hobbled by Christianity as well.
THE WOMAN: nietzsche/Irigaray/Wittgenstein, recognition and the
These, however, was written by nietzsche. And it was nietzsche whom he
left behind is the carriage of nietzsche, is nietzsche himself or
something else. neither nietzsche or Wittgenstein would understand
HONEY or TIFFANY and perhaps nietzsche blamed women  ignored by
 anti  philosophers, nietzsche for example. Every pronouncement
to the onslaught of the species, even nietzsche contra Wagner.
Wagner splinters against nietzsche, only to be resurrected through
writing at all, but those mnemonics spoken of my nietzsche/Kittler  Dis
noticed.    Kittle op. cit., nietzsche, Genealogy
my love alan comes and takes me from nijinsky's arms, he's an idiot too
nijinsky reach the heights of his profession fills me with tears
nijinksy in his pirouettes, his neurotic body twisting, nijinsky will have
above nijinsky, i will rise, beneath alan, i will serve, i am a female, my
inger russian ques goloid nijinsky's git Myths and Texts, #94.
the freezing of nijinsky leaps on the street of musicals
my name is nijinski nijinsky!
my name is nijinsky nijinski!
 that fellow nijinski nijinsky!  they say  ping
 that fellow nijinsky nijinski!   ping  ping
dancer lifts another, that no one alive today saw nijinsky dance, and the
I do not know, but that I identify with the life of Vaslav nijinsky.
It is so silent that it is not a language of its own. nijinsky opens
taken away, just like Mr. nijinsky does now.
 Romola nijinsky, nijinsky
>From nijinsky's diary:
					Vaslav nijinsky
probably the only sculpture of nijinsky done from life.
that no one alive today saw nijinsky dance, and the point isn't the
 nijinsky, Diary
more difficult to cope with nijinsky. He was more silent and irritable
6   Hungry dancers   the ninubaski Master   nijinsky, nureyev, Baryshni
  apres tous nijinsky


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