Playnt
I'm selfish and I'm tired. When I die I'll sleep an eternal
sleep. I'll have no choice but to sleep and sleep and sleep. I'm
selfish, I keep waiting for my due, for my books to appear, for
Marjorie Perloff to pat me on the shoulder, for a MacArthur
grant, for Katherine Hayles to realize I have something to say,
for something that might get me out of debt. I help everyone I
can, and there are so many people who don't like me, precisely
because of this, my incessant posting, my whining, my obvious
depressions, my aggressions, my acerbic nature. At the last few
conferences, I've been in troubles, sometimes I think I'm
invited only out of guilt by someone or other. All I can fall
back on is my work, and what does that amount to, if I'm in
everyone's kill file, if I'm not in bookstores or Kim's video or
Target? I keep putting out trash-work, hoping someone will see
the value in it. I think I should disguise this playnt by coding
and recoding cleverly - as if my own works had any significance
in the first place. In any case, as soon as I'm dead it will all
disappear. Look at the fury of the world around us. We keep
placing ourselves out 'there' for no reason at all. Even
rebellion is stillborn, the enemy has literally billions to push
its way through our hearts and minds. So my own quibbles mean
nothing in this regard. But I want to present my work in a clean
and proper way, I still want, at 61, to teach a class in media,
in experimental work, I still want, at 61, to receive my first
grant for my work since 1976, to see my book on a bookshelf in a
nice store with someone looking through the pages; I still want,
at 61, before I can no longer think, to find my soundwork at
Kim's Video or Target or Borders, my images in a wonderfully
prepared and printed book, my audience not one I have to force
myself onto; at 61, I'm so so tired, bone-tired, death-tired,
fear-tired, sick-tired, of self-justification, self-explanation,
self-critique, self-theory, ugly and useless self-promotion, as
if this narcissistic hole-in-the-wall is all there is
___
the last 2004
the weakened grasp of the world on the world
the retreat from the world into speed-speed transcendence
the retreat from the world into pseudo-worlds
the prevalence of pseudo-worlds, semi-worlds, quasi-worlds
the appearance of speed-speed ghosts everywhere
the imminent destruction of the surface of the planet
the imminent loss of faunal cultures
the quantity information suppurating model of the earth
the increasing violence of gangs and fundamentalisms
the spread of local mafias, networked and universal
the distribution of spoils, rule of viral thugs
the rule of hungry ghosts, speed-speed wounded biomes
the unhinged world in precession, dead eyes of the world
the world of malignant cancers, world of dismemberments
the plummeting of the world, planetary trashing
the desecration and extinctions of environmental remnants
the world ungrasped, speed-speed unhinged
_
and We keep
and We keep above worldld cocodeine keeps headaches awayay cocontinuous
life living plumsms ththe egyptian book deadad motor roared aroundnd sky
stumbles its feetet sound motherboard seems disconnecteded world totoday
found accomplishment and defuge the world greatly irreducible. and We keep
both a sense of accomplishment and defuge the world suffer defuge and then
it goes lackluster and the worlds are goes lackluster and the worlds are
tarnished. and We keep a certain style and every organism is a world of
miracles, and every creature dissolves in the disappear. look at the fury
of the world around us. and We keep
We keep the weakened grasp of the world on the world
We keep the retreat from the world into speed-speed transcendence
We keep the retreat from the world into pseudo-worlds
We keep the prevalence of pseudo-worlds, semi-worlds, quasi-worlds
We keep the unhinged world in precession, dead eyes of the world
We keep the world of malignant cancers, world of dismemberments
We keep the plummeting of the world, planetary trashing
We keep the world ungrasped, speed-speed unhinged
and We keep above our worldld
and We keep above our worldld
_