Message-ID: <Pine.NEB.4.61.0412021349130.19626@panix3.panix.com>
From: Alan Sondheim <sondheim@panix.com>
To: Cyb <cybermind@listserv.aol.com>,
"WRYTING-L : Writing and Theory across Disciplines" <WRYTING-L@LISTSERV.UTORONTO.CA>
Subject: Please read, Abstention
Date: Thu, 2 Dec 2004 13:49:20 -0500 (EST)
Please read, Abstention I apologize for this note, but feel it's necessary. I've been carrying around too much anger recently; this is also true of most of my offline friends. Anger leads to despair, disgust, internal violence. I'm not good at meditating and/or drugs; my outlets are my work and of course discourse online. But the latter has become increasingly acerbic on my part, for no reason, especially among people I respect. I feel I should abstain from discussion at this point; I'm too out of control. Unfortunately for those of you who find my work spam, I'll continue to send it out. But beyond that, I'll try silence as much as possible. The election of Bush, our personal lack of money, my own lack of a future in the job market (equivalent to a very real lack of a future), all of these things weigh - not to mention constant insomnia, headaches, stress, problems with my family. I've been going through the roof, getting up in tears in the morning. It's not fair to Azure, and not to myself for that matter, although I don't know how to stop it. But at least I don't need to inflict myself on people here, online. I try to keep the rage and despair out of my work. I've been looking at older work over the past few days, and it feels suicidal. It's hard to face, but I'm trying to put at least some of it on DVDs, out of deteriorating VHS, 8mm, and Hi8mm tapes. The sound pops out, tracking is lost, and all the usual shifts are occurring that happen in analog. In any case, I'm dismayed at the self-loathing within a number of them, and trying to come to grips with that. For the rest, I feel my work is on course as usual, whatever that may be. But I've noted my too-fast responses online - and that serves no useful purpose, for you or for myself. I hope to be back in discussion mode soon and please don't take this the wrong way, whatever that might be. - Alan