The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive

July 5, 2005

at 3am in the morning it's the dark night of the soul part 69

23 days into the residency, i've done nothing
i am waiting for my physicist to tell me the yes/no of the wave equation
i am waiting for a job to descend from god forever
i am waiting for death so everyone will be relieved
this body will be relieved, that's for sure, maybe my sister for that
when i die i will miss azure forever, now i just do not deserve her
my guitar and shakuhachi will miss me and my long lonesome sound
dear god, i am tired, as my friend tom might say, of scrambling
  upon the face of the earth, it is hard scrabble times i might say,
  now god, do something about it, and while you're at it, cure disease,
  save the animals and plants, save the innocent, almost all of us,
  end disease, end poverty, paint a smile upon heaven's face
24 days and i still will have done nothing
today we are releasing a california toad back into the wild, we are
  searching for surplus equipment, our teeth are fine, i no longer sleep,
  do not want to return to new york where there is so much sickness
  and pollution, dear god i may want to die before my time, but not that
i want to echo space into space, i do not know enough electronics, this
  space loop magnetic field receiver transmitter antenna, such a sudden
i am about to lose my website, jim andrews, august highland, simon biggs,
  simon penny, will be glad, it is ragtag, just a bunch of stupid files,
  last night i would step on them, they didn't budge, they just sat around,
  sometime soon i will sneak in and erase them
my meditation on analog and digital, i can't even distinguish between
  digital and discrete, is unbearably lazy, i know that in my heart, but
  today i wanted to see the one-armed teenager in the fourth of july parade
  in huntington beach, but she passed invisibly by, she was a wonder-surfer
  and is still a wonder-surfer, i am reading microbiology
microbiology says, 'exchange with me'
now i will try to sleep again, recently it has been all plane and car
  crashes, violent beatings, houses falling apart, einstuerzende neubauten,
  curved roads narrowed to points, all in the 3am dark night of the soul,
  and a war and a war and a war
soon i will have my forty-three lines, i did not mention the measure of
  all things


Please note that is no more. I will find an alternative 
site. I will keep everyone posted. In the meantime, the West Virginia 
Zwiki and Australian sites are still up, as well as the site; 
these are pretty much text only, although the West Virginia site has other 
materials as well.

Thanks, Alan

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