The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive

October 17, 2005


language is always periphery
bonded to the surface of a shell's extremity
it's that residue that grants our speech a modicum of efficacy
the efficacious is the real (nyaya)

my writing collapses into substance
it fills the gaps or holes in the shell (the pores)
it's everywhere, stuffing, useless, not even uselessness
it survives perhaps as the residue of capital

the residue of capital is dependent upon the hardness of materials
- and their efficacy
hardness = databanks = memory (of a retrievable sort)
you are nowhere, purposeless data

we can only speak because no one listens (there is no listening)
listening would transform the very nature of the chemical elements
that can't be allowed to happen (it can't happen)
- it can't happen because of the very nature of the world

world, work, and words, perhaps wor/ld/k/d
worldkd labor of building language, slough of language
this doesn't describe anything, this doesn't describe nothing
high temperatures, high pressures, new forms of matter

mattered scattered among the incipient virtual energy of space
creatures exist among themselves on the other side of dark matter
- for which we are dark matter, they are omniscient, they peer
- we're here, they're there, they peer

they know we don't use language, don't speak, don't listen
- symbolic meaningless surfaces, semiosis doesn't cut anything
- not even action, not the moment
our meaninglessness surfaces among them, they ignore semiosis

allowing nothing in the form of speech
allowing nothing in the formlessness of speech
allowing everything in the form of speech
= allowing everything in the formlessness of speech

unun the darkened matter for which we are the children of light
unun for brilliant matter for which we are the children of darkness
= our shell and our holding on with the materiality of words
= words were never there, we're our shell, holding on (night)


but how i remembered it

my lights were off and i knew secret sexualities going on was bad me, the
first only totally rewarding anal sex, her saying i've had that hysteria,
exhaustion, sexuality. i'm worn out, wear people out. a remembered all too
well his sexism, mild deceit, feeling fucking word "fuck." someone jealous
cheri went with me from despair. to fuck didn't succeed been used. heard
of elvis. loved who wanted me. couldn't, cried. real girlfriend; we tried
unsuccessful; vitamins. woman afraid father's anti-semitism. our
cyber-fucking. later met in at grandmother's. couldn't behave kingston?)
she asked if pennsylvania, small breasts, intensity, 's breast; sick time,
drew perfect cunt between asshole parents, sunlight bright prick.
ecstatic, transported; urinated me; another sucked tampax. images made
grid wall, counterpoint urine, spurting both myself, year, when israel,
masturbation urination, retaining way. during this period, worked
ecstatically. it remain friends. years margaret spread period across
devouring ourselves. - denise tied up, my secret lights sexualities were
were off going and on i and knew i secret was sexualities my going were on
off was knew bad totally me, rewarding the anal first sex, only saying
totally i've rewarding had anal bad sex, me, her the saying first i've and
had only that i'm hysteria, worn exhaustion, out, sexuality. wear i'm
people worn out. out, a wear her people that out. hysteria, a exhaustion,
remembered his all sexism, too mild well deceit, his and sexism, the mild
feeling deceit, and feeling too fucking first word cheri "fuck." went
someone with jealous me cheri despair. went to with fuck me word from
"fuck." despair. someone to jealous fuck and didn't heard succeed of been
loved used. who heard and of didn't elvis. succeed loved had who been
wanted used. me. my couldn't, real cried. girlfriend; real was girlfriend;
me. we i tried couldn't, unsuccessful; i vitamins. fuck woman i afraid
father's father's we anti-semitism. were our anal cyber-fucking. fucking
later me, met first in and at the grandmother's. was couldn't she behave
asked kingston?) if she in asked her if i pennsylvania, breasts, small 's
breasts, breast; intensity, i 's was breast; sick sick her time, small
drew cunt perfect my cunt asshole between parents, asshole bright parents,
she sunlight drew bright a prick. transported; ecstatic, on transported;
me; urinated asshole me; prick. another i sucked a tampax. me; images
another made time, grid a wall, and counterpoint prick. urine, on spurting
myself, both i myself, ecstatic, year, in when israel, israel, with
masturbation year, urination, i retaining was way. worked during
ecstatically. this was period, it worked this ecstatically. on it way.
remain that friends. years years drew margaret her spread she period me;
across she devouring time, ourselves. she - drew denise her tied period
up, i my was lights my were lights off were and off i and knew i secret
knew sexualities secret going were on going was i bad had me, bad the me,
first the only and totally only rewarding totally anal rewarding sex, anal
her sex, saying her i've saying had i've that her hysteria, that
exhaustion, hysteria, sexuality. exhaustion, i'm sexuality. worn i'm out,
worn wear out, people wear out. people a out. remembered and all
remembered too all well too his well sexism, his mild sexism, deceit, mild
feeling the fucking the word fuck "fuck." word someone "fuck." jealous
someone cheri and went cheri with went me with from me despair. from to
despair. fuck to didn't and succeed didn't been had used. been heard i of
heard elvis. of loved i who loved wanted who me. was couldn't, i cried.
couldn't, real first girlfriend; real we girlfriend; tried we
unsuccessful; rewarding vitamins. had woman a afraid her father's her
anti-semitism. father's our anti-semitism. cyber-fucking. at later
cyber-fucking. met we in met at and grandmother's. her couldn't i behave
couldn't kingston?) was she kingston?) asked she if me pennsylvania, time,
small her breasts, small intensity, breasts, 's intensity, breast; 's sick
was time, sick drew she perfect a cunt perfect between cunt asshole my
parents, asshole sunlight parents, bright sunlight prick. and ecstatic,
was transported; ecstatic, urinated i me; on another me; sucked i tampax.
her images tampax. made images grid a wall, the counterpoint wall, urine,
sucked spurting urine, both spurting myself, on year, retaining when year,
israel, in masturbation my urination, with retaining urination, way. me;
during way. this during period, this worked i ecstatically. worked it was
remain a friends. remain years that margaret she spread the period her
across period devouring were ourselves. devouring - ourselves. denise cunt
tied denise up, me and lights i were were knew was on saying anal i've
sex, had her out. out, a wear feeling deceit, me, the first fucking only
the totally first rewarding and despair. with to me fuck from had didn't
loved of who elvis. wanted i my couldn't, tried real tried had to
vitamins. fuck i a tried woman to of sex, our her at and if she sick
breast; time, i she parents, parents, between sunlight my bright asshole
asshole on me; i another urinated drew cunt perfect my prick. my
transported; another me; made sucked grid tampax. i images sucked made her
grid she that was urination, my retaining masturbation this me; during
ecstatically. it a didn't remain remain friends. years didn't spread tied
period up, across spread

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