The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive

October 25, 2005


father of evil


don't blame the father for the sins of the young. my father ensured i
would never get over my father. my father screamed at me constantly. could
i win with my father. i never could win with my father. my father ensured
that. my father ensured i would never challenge my father. the screaming
of my father ensured i would never have a world without screaming. the
nightmare of my father ensured i would never have a night without
nightmares. the violence of my father was only the language of my father.
the language of my father ensured the violence of language. i will take
language apart and there will be no violence. i will challenge language
and there will be no father. my father will write this and my father will
ensure my father will write this. my father ensures that my broken
language will scream at my broken language. my father ensures that i will
always sin against my father. i will always sin against my father. my
father battered my mind until my father was my mind battered by my father.
my father makes me ill. my father fills me with hatred. my father ensures
i will die hating my father and hating my mind.

"In like manner tear sheddings, &c. are held to come from the mind's being
melted [--not pained--]." (Sahitya-Darpana.)

how to reduce a human being to an artist

the litany

"don't sins
blame of
sins ensured
young. blame
ensured for
i would father.
never my
father
over screamed
father. me
screamed would
at never
win win
with with
that. i
challenge screaming
screaming
world
without father
screaming. ensured
nightmare ensured
night my
nightmares. father
violence only
was my
only father.
language the
language. language
will my
take
father
apart be
and no
there violence.
be will
no challenge
violence. language
write there
this will
ensure write
this. that
ensures ensure
that my
broken
will.
scream
always i
sin will
against always
battered was
mind mind
until battered
by mind
makes me
ill. hatred.
fills ensures
hatred. makes
die my
hating father
mind."

i will see my father dead.

Typical Family of Ghouls


I live in a typical family of ghouls.

Mother Sister

My mother is dead. My sister did not kill her.
I want to kill my sister.

Sister's Husband

My sister's husband is a minor ghoul.
My sister's husband stands behind my sister.
Have one pair of horns between them.

Brother and Brother's Family

Fine people unghouled. Live and let live.
My brother mediates. His field is geomatics.
Understands fields of neurosis, hatred.
Lives in Buddha fields. Sometimes talks to ghouls.

Daughter and her Husband

We have been blessed by grace.
Bodhisattvas and miracle wedding.
Escape! Escape!

Father

Ghoul with knot of insurmountable distinction.
Tightens with struggle. Always furious.
Ghoul-slayer indistinct.
Reseeds teeth of the vanquished.

Ghoul-Coterie

Father, sister, and sister's Husband = ghoul-coterie.
The class of ghouls lives annihilation.
Class between them. Beneath them.
Ghouls ride expensive horses. Run dawns and dusks.
By which I mean: manufacture dawns and dusks.
Are weather.

Myself

Ghoul and ghoul-hater. Wound inversion.
"I will spatter them with Halloween blood but not
on Halloween but sometime when they are very happy
they will see my (fake) blood and laugh."

Family

Nuclear, like any other.

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