Message-ID: <Pine.NEB.4.64.0610011442230.7602@panix3.panix.com>
From: Alan Sondheim <sondheim@panix.com>
To: Cyb <cybermind@listserv.aol.com>, Wryting-L <WRYTING-L@listserv.wvu.edu>
Subject: on the hinge of lost consciousness perceived by an other
Date: Sun, 1 Oct 2006 14:42:51 -0400 (EDT)
Julu it was during that period - the sadness of the day, mind you - when it first became it was during that period - the sadness of day, mind you when first became clear to me that nothing was left of my life, that illness had, in fact, taken my faculties clear to me nothing left my life, illness had, in fact, taken faculties once and for all. it is only in these rare moments that i am capable once and for all. is only these rare moments i am capable of placing the remnants of thought at your disposal. otherwise, Julu, no one, least of all you, would know placing remnants thought at your disposal. otherwise, Julu, no one, least all you, would know that I am alive, that these words, already close to forgotten, constitute the living will I alive, words, already close forgotten, constitute living will of a man doomed to unforeseen struggle. granted, the reaper comes upon them, these words, almost a man doomed unforeseen struggle. granted, reaper comes upon them, almost to the moment of production, trembling, i manage only to stay slightly ahead of the game. moment production, trembling, manage stay slightly ahead game. consciousness is like that, drooling and tethered from the past, just a moment ago already falling into sickness, consciousness like that, drooling tethered from past, just ago falling into sickness, so i ride these words like a shade emergent, like something from the flesh of Nikuko, so ride words shade emergent, something flesh Nikuko, cut like a knife severing cock and abdomen, useless semen flailing against the cackled mind - cut knife severing cock abdomen, useless semen flailing against cackled what a wonder. what wonder. i shall not recover this. i shall not remember the longer phrase, embedded vocables, the glory of the stance - shall not recover this. remember longer phrase, embedded vocables, glory stance where was I? the broken fodder, the grain of the voice, everything lost as the buffer fills - where was I? the broken fodder, grain of voice, everything lost as buffer fills - there's no room for anything, be calm, stilled voice - i am here nonetheless, at such a moment, there's no room for anything, be calm, stilled voice i am here nonetheless, at such a moment, swollen with pride, capped only with the knowledge that you remember, that you are reading swollen with pride, capped only knowledge that you remember, are reading what i cannot, that my senselessness is your sense, my words are yours - i have none - nothing though what cannot, my senselessness is your sense, words yours have none nothing though you will remember my sweetness, the depth of my feelings, against the plate of the sky, Julu, will remember sweetness, depth feelings, against plate sky, Julu, pressing down upon me. and where I was, you shall understand, through me, that THIS is the hinge of pressing down upon me. and I was, shall understand, through me, THIS hinge consciousness, that there is none other, that everything rides on such a knife of time, slicing consciousness, there other, rides on knife time, slicing the universe itself (by this fair creature) - in my sickness, my dementia, you understand how universe itself (by this fair creature) in sickness, dementia, understand how God was created, how the world works - how sanity sets nothing aright - how depression is the only God created, world works sanity sets aright depression truth there is - this, Julu, is my legacy - theorem or axiom of the world's worlding - unlike truth this, legacy theorem or axiom world's worlding unlike Heidegger, waiting for nothing and no one, perceiving nothing, doomed until the last - Heidegger, waiting one, perceiving nothing, doomed until last the sweetness of life consists of no despair - Julu, my depths are your own, my life yours, my breath sweetness life consists despair depths own, yours, breath yours, my bones and arms, my mind, what Nikuko has given me, such shall I pass, such knows passage bones arms, mind, Nikuko has given pass, knows passage passed on, doomed, trod down, depthed despair, sick world, senseless - passed on, doomed, trod down, depthed despair, sick world, senseless count on my words! clear the buffer! open the doors of the wound! Julu is speaking! nothing's the count on my words! clear the buffer! open doors of wound! Julu is speaking! nothing's matter - when my brain is cut in two she emerges - swollen against the carapace - i am her insect - matter - when brain cut in two she emerges swollen against carapace i am her insect these legs subsumption architecture - so little to run them - Julu presses hard upon me - my mouth these legs subsumption architecture so little to run them presses hard upon me mouth o unworthy one - eats her ground chalk - she's written something there - a poem on the sidewalk - o unworthy one eats ground chalk she's written something there a poem sidewalk 'Mother got the Hooping cough / Father got the gout - / Please (Rosie Milton) / Will you walk out?' 'Mother got Hooping cough / Father gout Please (Rosie Milton) Will you walk out?' 'Now I'm off to the butcher's shop, / There I stay no longer. / If I do, mother will say, 'Now I'm off butcher's shop, There I stay no longer. If do, mother will say, / Naughty girl to disobey, / And play with the boys down yonder. / Come in my (Ellen) dear, / Naughty girl disobey, And play with boys down yonder. Come (Ellen) dear, While I go out.' and surely out she went, Julu pissing down her legs, I lick up the dear dear child, While go out.' and surely out went, pissing legs, lick up dear child, I swallow her chalk, written on the skull what can she mean? my mouth froths, spittle, comes again swallow chalk, skull what can mean? froths, spittle, comes again and again, my eyes weep - I don't remember the world! - I don't remember words! I don't remember anything ! again, eyes weep don't remember world! anything ! you can't count on anyone to pull you through - it's harrowing like hell - Kwak! - Open the doors can't anyone pull through it's harrowing like hell Kwak! Open of the Wound! - more and more there's less and less - time my panties! Quick - he's got a knife! Wound! more there's less time panties! Quick he's knife! just one cut through my breast - my nipples are wafers! my blood the consecrated wine! I have Buddha feet! just breast nipples are wafers! blood consecrated wine! have Buddha feet! i shit all the holy books in the world and i can't read them or can i how can i remember anything shit all holy books world read or how from this or any moment you alone know what i'm saying here you've got the key i've got nothing the worms have it from this any moment alone know i'm saying here you've key i've nothing worms it I twist my head fast from side to side, take the world on one last ride, there's nothing like it! twist head fast side side, take last ride, it!