The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive

November 29, 2006

[please note: is unable to be updated. google has 
taken over blogger which went to beta software; i haven't been able to 
access the site since. corresponding with google is useless; four letters 
only produced the response that i had to log in correctly. if anyone knows 
of better - i.e. usable - blog sites/software out there (i don't have and 
can't afford my own server), please let me know back-channel. thanks, 

real-life vignettes

I'm tired of these real-life vignettes, somewhat digitally manipulated, as
if there's a gross philosophical point to be made through the sound or
sight of the singer or dancer or walker: what foolery. Nausee, Sartre,
defuge, overwhelm me, and I'm sure if you are following video after video,
text after text, sound after sound, they overwhelm you as well. No amount
of philosophy, no quantity of poetics squeezed from the soul of the imag-
inary, can compensate for one minute of reality rehashed. As if it were
possible to hack the landscape, the mise en scene. In any case, there's
always the appeal to god, as in this instance, or the Pringy church yawps
- spirit makes everything come out well in the end, at least aesthetically
- at least for believers. And I mean: nothing can be farther from the
truth - which may also be modified: nothing can be farther than the truth
- isn't that always the case?

All these vignettes involve real people and hard rock, mountains, forests,
villages cities, churches, granges, pastures, meadows, cliffs, glaciers,
bluffs, hills, streams, rivers, trees, goats, choughs, flowers, roads,
paths. And what with the whispering, there is that, the slightest sound
transcribed into pixel after pixel - an entire universe of pixels, of
which this, and this and that, are an infinitesimal part. We climbed down
the north tower of the cathedral in Geneva, rounded a pillar; in a
distance, a choir was singing. Here now the singing loops and transforms;
the image isolates madonna and magdalene, bracketing the right-hand side
of the screen. And that is all, the whole like the paste of spirit
perhaps, or the slight spew of afterbirth.

breakneck speed to infinity

My Life in Spades

(reworked from which is continually

A bad catch... Acconci and Acker (later) and Laurie Anderson (later), I
found myself in Acconci; she had a drawing of his on the wall which she'd
turn backside Allison staying in Amherst, New York, because she couldn't
cross the Altarpiece. Mayer and I went to Munich together; I paid from the
book Anderson insisted I was. As for Aram Saroyan (earlier), he wanted me
out Artcenter in Buffalo, of which I have already written. Atlanta.
Atlanta. I didn't behave well with Shellie. Australia, where I was keynote
speaker and participated in a number of Avenue. I don't think I was
friendly with the Brennans any more. We used Because of the earlier
closeness with the family, it's hard to stay Because you deserve to be, he
replied. I remember bow and arrow, swimming Biennale. In Paris, Beth found
a way from our room to the subway - around Brunonia, lake Pleasant, near
Casco. But the Everglades saved me; at first we noticed only the
alligators and Center. Allison and I move to Atlanta. I get drunk at the
first Chris, wrote at one point she wished she were a cockroach on my
wall. To City; she was married to John, had a chile, was close to
suicidal. Was Clancy and Al, were counselors who brought their own
keelless canoe; I Dallas, under Dean Robert Corrigan's multi-disciplinary
program; fourteen Dallas; as far as I know (1997), they still have it,
almost worn out... I Defense (about Tina Weymouth), The Fourteen Stations
of the Cross Doctor Dattner, who was a home practitioner and family
friend. Encyclopedia of Jazz. They sung. England, beginning September
through February 2000 English badly, accusing me of everything. Everglades
with just flashlight; it was amazing. It was then I saw the Everglades. I
couldn't face the other faculty or the school; I roamed the Fukuoka
Harlem; her parents had arranged this. Now thinking about it "just the
Hopkins. The blues seemed the only way out. When I went abroad I took a
Hubert Acquin; they resonated. I always do... Her drawings were
everywhere. She was still obsessed with I am transitive, an invisible
transitive, among the physical-real of the I don't remember moving into
the new house or how it was originally set I had to teach in New Jersey;
she came with me. From then on my life I make $2000-$3000 from the tape. I
moved to New York; she came to the city to see me. She and Chris Franz I
never behaved so badly. I was. And today, 2006, realizing where I was,
again. I'd always been frightened of my father's anger - now it came out
in full I'd keep a list of best friends in it as well as a list of "things
to do" Individuals: Post-Movement Art in America that I had edited. There
was a Irvine, and Ellen came later. It's printed in Halifax and Williams
College, two editions. Parts surface Jennifer book is published; rewrote
the book for Saul Ostrow in November Jerusalem. And for a moment, this
sense of panic. And then realizing where Joanna's wedding. Since the
former, Margie and I have been distant and Joseph - with Nachamah
Leibowitz. Hebrew was relatively bad. Wrote poetry, Kabbalah as best I
could. Then I was introduced to Wittgenstein by Ed Kingston?) She asked me
if we were cyber-fucking. Later we met in the NS Later she told Allison I
was crazy; Allison told me; I told Allison Kathy Later that day - that
night in fact - we went back to Shark Valley in the Leslie telling me that
I had a responsibility to her. The day she arrived Loebs (?) and somehow
the name 'Raub' also comes up. My father would yell Logico-Philosophicus,
which has remained one of my favorites; it continues Mark's On-the-Bowery.
She borrowed a videocamera from me, and set it up in My writing was
horrible. I didn't know what I was doing; I wanted to Nothing leaves me
and nothing leaves me alone. Now I try to understand this, and will meet
her in Seattle, travel with Once I was reading (attempting to read at
best) Sholem Aleichem in Hebrew; Providence. An,ode was my M.A. thesis - a
work of experimental poetry Quebecois referendum. I discovered Nicole
Brossard, feminin ecriture, and SF Schell's wife, giving me something hot
to drink. I favored swimming under- Seminary, hopelessly in love with
Platt Townend, yes, dancing breathless Site - I never wanted to speak to
her again. So that everything is ordered by date; I enter when I can, the
dates are Stollman of ESP again at an opening at Grand Central Artist
Center. He Television was still pre-network. Computers were partial
dreams. The idea Temple, by myself, facing death and the world and the one
family member I That I've never had. The stuff was out there, remembered.
These situations create an aporia, a kind of knot which is doubly-bound,
Thornton. Called em/bedded, it features 12 channels of video/audio,
Toronto; I met her on Chris Keep's postmodern list. (Maybe it was UN, the
former were condemned; in real life, it was all too clear that the
University. I had gone for an interview - and felt I was simply promised a
Virtual Environments Laboratory in West Virginia? I began working with
Welbutrin (which I'd like to get off of), and something for cholesterol.
Yale (with Kathy), Wesleyan, etc. Kathy and I parted dubious friends. [and
why is this fragment here? what has been missing, lost, in this list, `cp
.bio .bio.old`; `sort -o .bio .bio`; a scandal. And worked then in the
Alps: around the Aletsch glacier, and a week later. Her voice was
incredible; she immediately replaced our about freighters while staying at
Kristin's and Jason's, returned to accident (maternal). I went to his
funeral, my maternal grand- father; I accompanied by horrific feelings of
submergence and fuzziness; I never am accompanied me twice. aesthetics
problematic; in a way it was too easy to create beautiful affected me with
Margaret. afraid of her father's anti-semitism. *** Again, a removal,
hopefully the against me. Baraka created quite a stir. I couldn't stand
the complacency ahead. After we returned, I visited her loft one day; her
diary was open all of the people I knew there; at this point, I remember
Keith Waldrop all the time... My worst class was English composition; I'd
buck the along for the first two weeks or so, before psychosis and
hysteria set in. along the line, Acconci later insisted I wasn't an
artist, on the same day along with these people - what's left of my family
- and I tire of being always been honest with her, as best I can, only
when younger, keeping my always face others. always saving them, somehow,
desperately, they'd turn toward me, I'd take an old age home. I want to
die before that happens. Or perhaps he isn't, and I have forgotten each
other. Now my thesis advisor, Edwin Honig, is in and I'm feeling close to
both of them. Family problems at the wedding; I and Summa, among others.
and a machine (I later identified as an atomic cannon) wheel out, run to
another - I couldn't really identify them. I also had the runic alphabet
another disaster. She moved in the day we met, upon my invitation; we got
another time, she drew a perfect cunt between my asshole and prick. I was
anti-semitic. Someone put a pig's nose in my bed since I was Jewish. I've
apart. It wasn't the first or last time. apartment apartment near the
Waldrops; I remember editing "ppress" - a hand-printed apartment to
another) and longer in Paris, where I was in the Paris apartment. And then
later she was remarried or with someone else, had appeared with different
names in my early writing. And now I wonder if I arranged alphabetically;
when I add to the lines, the sections lose their articles for him. Or were
these later? One was done with Rosemarie; the artist and gallerist, and
decided on the latter, at first representing her as a result of software?
hardware? I leave it here, the atomic cannon as scanning work that would
be completed in the summer of 2006. But these as well as the usual
guitars. Started a blog. Feel like a hungry ghost. assassination of
President Nixon; and diagrams relating to the "general at Brown. At Hebrew
University I remember sitting in front of a bus. The at everyone during
the game; it would wake me. And perhaps it was around at the breakfast
table. Everything changed when I was encapsulated at at this point, the
first time? It's a blur. We were driven around. I mix attitudes towards
me. My father screamed at me in front of everyone; he autobiography,
screen or peripheral memories, asides, eyes or bodies avatars then through
motion capture and Poser. We created a number of avatars would form the
background to more abstract mocap images, as well babysitter at this
point. Tensions became really difficult; I left for back in, dressed as
punks, terrified... back to Montreal. Allison Rossiter said I mistreated
her. She spoke back, my legs spread, etc. etc. badly, and used him. Later
he apologized. basement. The idea was to catch people faking deafness. But
my reflex became religious, meandered around the country. Didn't I go to
Mea Shearim become all too close to Shellie Fleming, the film Curator at
Image in been reading Johnson's Dictionary. been; I bounced myself off of
every wall in existence, barely making it before that, I wrote Tamara
Bowers (who I had slept with at Irvine and who behind_ her. The walls were
tiled, I think, some light beige/ yellow black. I remember a red wagon. I
remember... The sidewalk in front of the bleachers; I forget his name. The
same year or close to, others? the border (we fought, were depressed), I
took up the curatorship at Nexus in brain twitches have come back, etc. I
take three medications, aspirin, break through the marriage, there and
then. She testi- fied against me at breaking each other's arms. I was
working at a Settlement House in East broke my nose, left me covered with
blood; I went looking for a friend of broke the record. I was living at a
settlement house run by Pete - I brought Leroi Jones Amiri Baraka to the
campus. My Black roomate turned call her; I did, and calmed her down. She
was hysterical. I hadn't spoken can relate more and more to her, an
indication of my own failings. I've care of them, everything would be all
right, eternal life and devotion, carried out. After I had thought to
myself, I'm not feeling this, sitting cartoons.  All of my work has
stemmed from this. The magic reminds me of castigated me, say, "Why do you
have to bring this stuff up?" For her it cathecting for a long time now;
it wasn't sexual, and stemmed largely from cds released. Azure and I
worked with very low frequency (VLF) radio; I chop($str=<STDIN>); close
APPEND;} coloration. committed to me the day she left. I remember the
truck pulling away, the comparative emptiness. confused - odd, given the
obdurate nature of the real at any particular contract with Bernard
(Bernie) Stollman for the second; it didn't matter. contributed anything
for six years. It's time I formally abandoned this. conversion. I feel
relieved that Jew isn't a dirty word, that the blasted correspondence...
corrobrated all this had happened (decades later). Later as well, we had a
couldn't take his notion of "my generation / your generation" and
countesses dressed in black. I ran into incredible kids surviving in the
court procedure. And again later, I remember visiting her in New York
covers _acts_ and the former a state out of one's control. It's the latter
created with a scanning electron microscope; a piece based on an crinkled
black with a translucent window for viewing the animated crits. I was
invisible. Jacek my graduate student took over my classes. cross the line,
conservative secretly? curtains. My world was black. I felt I didn't
belong. I felt my roomates days I can't sleep, days I do nothing but;
lowered body temperature is decades ago. I remember visit- ing (a farm? a
village?) her home; when I deep; I had felt close to the Weiss, not the
Sondheim, side of the family. department head, made veiled threats. To
this day I'm not sure why I was departments. I met Sungja Lee and we lived
together for a year, traveling destruction of all good things, that I was
doomed, cowardly, unable to devouring ourselves. dictionary symptomology.
didn't exist. For the school year 2001-2002 I was in Miami. At the end of
didn't show up and she played with our group (Damaged Life). She moved in
didn't succeed and I was impotent until I was 24. I was completely died?
That my cat died as well? I returned home at a loss; I hadn't been
director. By April I had resigned. distant but when I don't, the pattern
starts all over again. divorced somewhere around here; she received
alimony which we both decided do something. I called from the main
Pembroke dorm. It took a while to get don't remember where I got the time.
dormitory. I have no idea how I got there. I should not have been admitted
down. A pogo stick. A pair of stilts. during some of the speeches, which
were heard. It was extremely upsetting. ecstatic, transported; I sucked
her tampax. Images made a perfect grid on ecstatically. Sooner or later
the bathtub was abandoned; I'd lie on my eliminated. The school continued
to lie to me; Carol Damian, who was the encapsulation of sorts - distorted
avatar work of the past five years. entire life; I feel the fragility of
flesh, fragility of the world - for escape. Hell. A roomate built
transistor radios without cases, the wires even here is a synchronous
world, shifted slightly as if diachrony were events after were
devastating. Since that time I've been on terrible terms everyone was on
an emotional edge. everything must come to light. everything ordered
through dates. The program: everything to you." 1997 I think I'm so smart.
everywhere. I ran into the evil of landlords, the decay of buildings, the
example this organized power grid I type into - on a constant basis.
exit(0); experience, with Patti Rogers. She tried to kill herself at
Syracuse; I explored the Bolsa Chica wetlands, helped a graduate student
release a expression on the face of her mother. I was stunned... She met
her future eyes, eyes, eyes. facility that was, we "knew" intended for the
development and production fact. factory? A low building, very wide and
long, no one ever seen. But the falling onto the floor. The walls were
painted black. There were black father who would never let me assert
myself, who yelled at me almost fear of anything and everything in the
world. And from being physically flowers kept trimmed, the grass cut. The
machine was enormous and furious. flu; I can't function. My body signals
my body the misplacement of following omens. Studied stone tools with
Stekelis, Bible - story of for the Phd. I begin to work on ideas of 's/ms'
and develop Nikuko, who force, and I haven't been able to really get along
with him since. There forget his last name - on, I think, 125th Street. I
ran into people who four days friendly, which I hadn't expected. friends'
works. frightened, gathering security and comfort where I could, this very
early front of the GCAC; she was writing sad and lonely words with a brush
and frustrated and mad with each other. She left suddenly; she had to. We
were fucking me; she only did it because I was paying for the trip.
Sometimes a fully awake. There's some sort of chemical imbalance, tending
not only gave me some, said take them. Vitamins.


Motion-capture file from living dancers construed through partially-
operating sensors devolve into recalcitrant choreographies procured for
the practical-inert of the real, subtended by 'the wall,' barrier or
restraint, bounded three-dimensional space, against which such dancers
representing back through choreographies and recalcitrant sensors
rhythmically rebound, repeated shudderings as analogic replaces digital,
electronic mediations and remediations confront the presence of a _grange_
or _building_ located in a _prealpine pasture_ vacated for the summer
season. Medieval and post-modern
commingle in this unnumbered series of neutral-ecstatic positionings which
remain authorless in the midst of author/authority, danceless in the
presence of dancers/dancing, human within the post-human, flesh within
rock, protocol within flesh, flesh within flesh.

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