Message-ID: <Pine.NEB.4.64.0612011338180.6299@panix3.panix.com>
From: Alan Sondheim <sondheim@panix.com>
To: Cyb <cybermind@listserv.aol.com>, Wryting-L <WRYTING-L@listserv.wvu.edu>
Subject: speed.
Date: Fri, 1 Dec 2006 13:38:34 -0500 (EST)
speed. i can't slow up. death is an hysteria. i don't care about your gender. i send out work as soon as it's done. i make work as soon as i think of it. i read as fast as i can. i watch news and practice music while i read. i know if i slow up i'll die. i know there will be a missive or missile here in this space that will not be sent. i know the missive will be the tag or curlicue. i know it will be the conjunction of my death. i read the con- junction as not both life and death. i read the conjunction as neither life nor death. i eat fast. i never sleep properly. i dream theory and practice. i hunt on the internet. i shape ride on the internet. i speak here and do not speak elsewhere. speech is a privilege. i cannot pronounce other languages in proper order. i cannot pronounce the rudiments of speech. i breath fast. i get out of breath fast. death promises slowing. death does not halt. i watch myself as i speak. i watch myself as i remember. i remember remembering. i remember what i have forgotten. i watch my brain at work. i remember watching. i know what i forget will be my last. i know if i forgot i should be reminded to die. i am afraid of being reminded to die. life is a remission. life is under remission. i cannot keep up with myself. i watch myself ahead of myself. i am never behind. i am always ahead. if i am comfortable with speed i am not speed- ing. i must speed into discomfort. i must be beyond myself. i must be beyond ahead of myself. i play music fast. i want to get all the music out before i can no longer play music. i want to get out this absolute music. i want to theorize as bulwark and therapeutic. i want to theorize before i can no longer theorize. before i can no longer theorize in complexity. i guard my theorization. i guard my brain and my speed. if i think of a sentence i say that sentence. if i think of a poem i write that poem. if i have an idea i write that idea. if i think of a video i make that video. i make that video when i think of the video. i edit that video while i make that video. i am afraid of passing out. i am afraid of dizziness. i speed through dizziness. if i stop i will die. if i die this thought will not be finished. i must finish this thought. i have a new thought now.