The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive


i wish to make obeisance to the four realms and ten directions
on my own time in my own way and not to make obeisance

i wish to make mistakes and errors on my own only reading from
the texts and writing in and out of others

i confuse hells and heavens and bodhisattvas and arhats and wish
to confuse them with sakyamuni and manjusri with others

i do not wish to listen to others speaking or teaching or others
proclaiming enlightenment or cessation of suffering

there is no cessation of suffering no path no bliss i do not wish
to attempt the impossible inhabit the inconceivable

i wish to comprehend my own way of dependent origination without
reincarnation or epistemic shifts leading to ontological error

i shall understand my truth as the truth which is the void and
i will not study the voice of the other and her proclamation

i will comprehend the twilight the coded the intentional
languaging of hevajratantra on my own in the midst of craving

i wish to celebrate ties to feces or urine or menses or dead
flesh glory in them with five yoginis on my own furious determination

i wish to hear no teacher see no teacher pay obeisance to no
teacher in this realm or in my furious rebirths i shall stay behind

i shall not adopt a walking meditation sitting meditation shall
not adopt bardo whispers dead men and women hearing

i will not sit and concentrate and not concentrate on point or no
point or no thing or void nor shall i concentrate on no void

nor shall i not concentrate nor shall i sit i will embrace hells
on my own furious terms vajra cutting lotus cutting through hells

i will discover everything and nothing on my own and that will be
an innovation and not be an innovation but quickly and thoughtless

i will not learn from any living being nor will i learn within a
room garnered or occupied by any living being nor will i learn

i will not say mantra there is no mantra no sound nothing to say
but what one would say in all day talk among sentient beings

i do not for a moment believe in spirit or reincarnation i do not
need nor do i want miracle i am fearful of death i embrace fear

there is no soul no self i will make mistakes i will congregate in
error i will whisper and write error error shall not be mine

of error it may be said there is no concourse there is permanence
and annihilation and my middle way veers between them i will say that

of life there are no beginnings and births and deaths of matter and
fecundity of animals and plants there are none

i will say there is no time to be reborn and no rebearing and nothing
of matter to be reborn and matter is of no bearing

i will smear my skin and hair with error smear my mouth and eyes with
mistake upon mistake and they will not be my own but not others

i will fuck furiously others and others semen flowing rivers streams
and speeds of meditation and conjoining

there will be no grace here and no falling and no sins or wages of
such that are paid and no moment of leaving and arriving

i admit no emanations

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