The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive

the regulator thing gets me again

i woke up this morning feeling ill again, neck hurts, bad headache, can't
focus eyes very well, joints hurt, sniffling, slight difficulty breathing,
slight sore throat, chest feeling like a bad case of the flue, slight
chills, this has been happening far too often, earlier this week accompan-
ied by very slight fever, the attacks which are more like slowly seeping
states, coming on now maybe four times a week, sometimes five, so the
doctor diagnosed a low-grade or background bacterial infection, for years,
i remember the first time in buffalo, more recently a few years ago caught
a 'lyme-like' disease in buffalo, that seemed to clear up, she's testing
now for lyme disease and something else, i forget, something has to show
up on the charts, i've given up on psychosomatic, the symptoms come too
often and too regularly and with the same sort of background catalysts
such as a change in temperature when i'm sleeping, she thinks also chronic
fatigue syndrome, it could be anything, both ears blocked this morning,
the right ear hurting, 'ear-ache,' tinnitus as usual, i realized i don't
know what it's like to be healthy and or wide-awake, or rather that those
states occur as rarely as sickness does among most people, i'm a walking
inverse, i worry about tia as well, that all this could be leading some-
where, but that part's definitely hypochondria, although a brain-scan
found evidence of some tia stuff, but that was a few years ago, now pop tv
health stuff came out with a story about tia tending towards strokes, more
'warning signs,' the whole culture's filled with 'warning signs,' in any
case last night i found a file, WS_3008 to be exact, some slide-chromatic
playing i hadn't done anything with, i thought, well then, made the fol-
lowing which i quite like, i'm over the top that way, too full of myself
that way, anyway for listening pleasure
- there might be something there for you, i fell asleep here on the office
floor at the modern culture and media building at brown, well not the
floor exactly but a futon that pulls out from a couch, last night actually
was awake and feeling healthy, something had given me a respite, it's gone
away now, sometimes i'm accused that my work is autobiographical or 'diar-
istic' - it isn't, but this is, thought i would surround the bloor piece
with an indication of its production and disemmination, i forget how i
felt when i first made the original recording, before the manipulation, i
think it was as 'usual,' that is exhausted and most likely feeling these
flu-like symptoms which at one point i dubbed 'low-temperature' disease
since it seemed to have something to do with my body temperature dropping,
but that's not true at all, my body temperature's usually low, this has
nothing to do with age by the way, the symptoms as i said were around at
least since i've was in buffalo and that was in the 1980s, but now they're
exacerbated, possibly due to stress and toxins in the apartment we're
living in, we should move out of there, but where to go, where to go, so
to conclude, we're all bored right now, i'm not feeling well enough to
continue, a student's coming soon as well, this is definitively diaristic,
unabashedly autobiographical, a bit off the old block on a very dreary
providence rhode island day, the sort of day i like, with greys and greens
and just a hint of the world beyond,

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