Message-ID: <Pine.NEB.4.64.0710100844110.28031@panix3.panix.com>
From: Alan Sondheim <sondheim@panix.com>
To: Cyb <cybermind@listserv.aol.com>, Wryting-L <WRYTING-L@listserv.wvu.edu>
Subject: the regulator thing gets me again
Date: Wed, 10 Oct 2007 08:44:27 -0400 (EDT)
the regulator thing gets me again i woke up this morning feeling ill again, neck hurts, bad headache, can't focus eyes very well, joints hurt, sniffling, slight difficulty breathing, slight sore throat, chest feeling like a bad case of the flue, slight chills, this has been happening far too often, earlier this week accompan- ied by very slight fever, the attacks which are more like slowly seeping states, coming on now maybe four times a week, sometimes five, so the doctor diagnosed a low-grade or background bacterial infection, for years, i remember the first time in buffalo, more recently a few years ago caught a 'lyme-like' disease in buffalo, that seemed to clear up, she's testing now for lyme disease and something else, i forget, something has to show up on the charts, i've given up on psychosomatic, the symptoms come too often and too regularly and with the same sort of background catalysts such as a change in temperature when i'm sleeping, she thinks also chronic fatigue syndrome, it could be anything, both ears blocked this morning, the right ear hurting, 'ear-ache,' tinnitus as usual, i realized i don't know what it's like to be healthy and or wide-awake, or rather that those states occur as rarely as sickness does among most people, i'm a walking inverse, i worry about tia as well, that all this could be leading some- where, but that part's definitely hypochondria, although a brain-scan found evidence of some tia stuff, but that was a few years ago, now pop tv health stuff came out with a story about tia tending towards strokes, more 'warning signs,' the whole culture's filled with 'warning signs,' in any case last night i found a file, WS_3008 to be exact, some slide-chromatic playing i hadn't done anything with, i thought, well then, made the fol- lowing which i quite like, i'm over the top that way, too full of myself that way, anyway for listening pleasure http://www.asondheim.org/bloor.mp3 - there might be something there for you, i fell asleep here on the office floor at the modern culture and media building at brown, well not the floor exactly but a futon that pulls out from a couch, last night actually was awake and feeling healthy, something had given me a respite, it's gone away now, sometimes i'm accused that my work is autobiographical or 'diar- istic' - it isn't, but this is, thought i would surround the bloor piece with an indication of its production and disemmination, i forget how i felt when i first made the original recording, before the manipulation, i think it was as 'usual,' that is exhausted and most likely feeling these flu-like symptoms which at one point i dubbed 'low-temperature' disease since it seemed to have something to do with my body temperature dropping, but that's not true at all, my body temperature's usually low, this has nothing to do with age by the way, the symptoms as i said were around at least since i've was in buffalo and that was in the 1980s, but now they're exacerbated, possibly due to stress and toxins in the apartment we're living in, we should move out of there, but where to go, where to go, so to conclude, we're all bored right now, i'm not feeling well enough to continue, a student's coming soon as well, this is definitively diaristic, unabashedly autobiographical, a bit off the old block on a very dreary providence rhode island day, the sort of day i like, with greys and greens and just a hint of the world beyond,