This Sex which is not None
"When I move my eyes, I take account of their movement, without being
expressly conscious of the fact, and am thereby aware that the upheaval
caused in my field of vision is only apparent. Similarly sexuality,
without being the object of any intended act of consciousness, can
underlie and guide specified forms of my experience,. Taken in this way,
as an ambiguous atmosphere, sexuality is co-extensive with life. In other
words, ambiguity is of the essence of human existence, and everything we
live or think has always several meanings. A way of life - an attitude of
escapism and need of solitude - is perhaps a generalized expression of a
certain state of sexuality,. In thus becoming transformed into existence,
sexuality has taken upon itself so general a significance, the sexual
theme has contrived to be for the subject the occasion for so many
accurate and true observations in themselves, of so many rationally based
decisions, and it has become so loaded with the passage of time that it is
an impossible undertaking to seek, within the framework of sexuality, the
explanation of the framework of existence, The fact remains that this
existence is the act of taking up and making explicit a sexual situation,
and that in this way it has always a double sense. There is interfusion
between sexuality and existence, which means that existence permeates
sexuality and _vice versa,_ so that it is impossible to determine, in a
given decision or action, the proportion of sexual to other motivations,
impossible to label a decision or act 'sexual' or 'non-sexual.' Thus there
is in human existence a principle of indeterminacy, and this indeterminacy
is not only for us, it does not stem from some imperfection of our
knowledge, and we must not imagine that any God could sound our hearts and
minds and determine what we owe to nature and what to freedom. Existence
is indeterminate in itself, by reason of its fundamental structure [...]"
(Merleau-Ponty, Phenomenology of Perception)
It's murky, this being always hinting at structure or organ, somewhere
down beneath the surface (invisible from the surface, from the exterior),
well something's there causing the commotion, a messy engine or drive,
pulsion, a vibration which comes and leaves in fits. Hard to reconcile
with the rest of the chattered world, that boy's got something, that
girl's got something, as if on a day in spring, a ripening, and what does
that have to do with one's place in the cosmos? One begins to discern
structure, a presence or devouring presence or presence to be devoured,
but dimly, a symbol, cupped hands lifting up, you can hold water that way.
The skin holds water, filters it. See, here's the Thing, Being is tawdry,
sad, something to kick around, we can't get to the Universal; Being or
beings make no difference at all, nothing, they're like a pair of socks,
something to run around in. Being or emptiness, beings or Emptiness, we're
talking about ourselves, a local farm, what's temporarily present in the
biome. It's a "region," just as sex-being, being-sex, existence is a
region, a region which is perhaps regional, perhaps not. Carrying organs
and communities within us, and they make all the decisions, separations,
our cries and murmurs, analytics, are regional paste, local determinations
within the inconceivable; our conceptualizations are skitterings. It's a
truism - I talk and write from inside my body. Conceptually, say whatever
you want, this language machine, this computer, goes back to the Acheulian
hand-ax and earlier; tools were always with us, always thrusting into
earth or stem or flesh.
This is why existence is a dead word and sex is not; sex starts inside
something and moves inside something and maybe something else, and
existence, beings and Being, does nothing. Or does nothing outside the
copula; existents reside within the copula, they're chained-linked in our
imaginary which tries to hang on, with the slimmest of threads, to some-
thing that might be considered, not only external (for we sense those, the
scent of the true world), but out there, structure paralleling our own. We
"just" tend to forget the copula, a female or male hand tying a knot
making speaking, these wrytings, possible. Sexuality brings whatever else
there is into the local; my body reflects my body, there's an uncanny
surrounding, insistent on present presence, alterity, imminence, as if
"here" and "there" jump-started one another in the boot-strap model of
existence, powered by sex.
Sexual organs are situated, their effect that of diffusion, existence
diffuses "as far as we're concerned," as far as "we're intended"; it's
that hint of structure, which is somewhat other, messily other, that sur-
faces as abstracted desire-in-language - all these names, desire, libido,
frisson, arousal, id, what have you, and nothing's there, certainly not
existence which seems to be driven by energy, impulse, force, unintended
churning. Why we hardly know what we are. Or rather one might take struc-
ture, as if it could separate from desire, existence, meta-psychology,
meta-physics - one might take structure and make experiment of it. There
are always artifacts, however ephemeral. You get practice out of it,
communication, you can take it to the bank.
You get tangled up when thinking about the organs; it's better to keep
things beneath the covers, much as existence is kept out of sight, out of
our site to be sure. We always mistake the copula for copulation, the
attribute for the thing, the thing for possible worlds, possible worlds
for occurrences, occurrences for Being remote again from the organs; the
true world is the mattering/nattering to and among us, and we have to mess
with the symbolic in all sorts of ways - for example inscription, and then
one form of erasing or another. Not to mention the magic slate, what's
uncanny, what's strange, what estranges us.
There's nothing to say about emptiness but Nagarjuna says nothing anyway.