The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive

September 21, 2009


Spliceroots


Re/mapping of a review-in-progress of Martha Fleming's Split + Splice,
Del + Hel, show at the medical museum in Copenhagen. Working on this
and at the same time, looking for the bone of the apparatus, which is
the applicable language, what I write/wryte here. So then for here now
to modify the root, or to produce the root text, for other emergence,
hence this piece which belongs _here,_ the review coming later.


Spliceroots,
aSplice
thatdelighted
well,
touch.
touch.

thereenviroment
endo-black
otherpp

it"sticking
also-

antiquentique surgicprobably
theater,ter, an
intorchitecture, surgical
probablyly
the
scientificThis
discoruse/experiment:again
whatfollows
isll, is in the collidor
collidora
ons apply
immense,returns
applywill
something/

11.numbered
:
01.
diagnosticls,
coming
lab,together
animals,
among
Torrentiners)
containers)

(flows,Containing
containers)
a
registries,tions,
Data
identifications,(biotech,
scannings,Reality
models,Show
modeling)
(mappings,
(microscopes,the
endoscopes,Skin
etc.),servetc.),
observation,tion, penetrobservation,
penetration)
tion)
penetration)

variousrious modes of
(12-screen
modesmonitor
of
installation,
(zones,Everything
storage,in
regulation)
Place?
cryogenics,Cold
preservation)
(cold
Unwantedste, disposdisposal)

(waste,l)
Wanted
disposal)
-
FeelingFeeling
emotionalFeeling
modeling,Down
biotech)
(pills,
pilllity,
theater
camera,from
opticality,

Skin,-
oneUnder
finds

Beginningsomething
Whatt I wbetween
focusedm focused on: the

theseThe
objects/instrumentsbeauty
depthl/inert: their deep ties to
was
relationtheir
theirto
tiespractical/inert:
manifold,out
injectof
informationetheir
in their
other
beautywere
aestheticsfunctioning-in-the-world,

clear_work_
ways.

absorbsorcapital's
contra- contrability
superstructuralno
art-(not
critical(today)

probablyt we've
occurimmense
extran-potential
heartpossible.
silence.

tool,
exhibition;Split
goand
coldnd you're pyou
roomr

youa
primarilynd temper

learningrning occurs. Within the exhia
exhibition,meroccurs.
camerais
everythingthe
surfaced.and
travelingand
wavesparcel
dis/ease,ce pat
disconnected,patterning

first
glance.glance.
sayWhat
kindtionship?
say
uncannythis
relationship?kind

say
uncannythis
relationshipkind


_____

please note

anguish ('r-rated' video up for short time only, don't watch if you
think it might offend you)
___________________________________________________________________



anguish


anguish exists in the moment or the past of the moment
anguish tears bodies limbs from limbs
anguish haunts the forbidden

anguish opens the forbidden to mockery
anguish transforms mockery into the bone of tragedy

everywhere the bone, the bone, the bone
everywhere hardening and then softening and falling through
everywhere failing

anguish burns the self into the self
it's hardly possible to open ones eyes
it's hardly possible to close them

anguish is the fuel of art
anguish is the collapse of attitude
and anguish is the collapse of a natural attitude
an attitude in which everything remained alive

if it weren't for anguish our camera would silence itself
our camera would lie in a hidden place and a lost place
our camera would dissolve the economy of the world

anguish opens the body to anguish
anguish closes the body to an opening in the world
an opening in the world is always small
our camera misses it and misses our body

our camera cries so hard because it misses our body


http://www.alansondheim.org/distraught.mp4 (not up long


theanguish ofor moment past anguishnguish telimbs limbss from limanguish
froms tears limbs bodies hauntsunts the forthe forbidden anguish
forbiddenanguish toopens mockery the bonemockery tragedy the bone, one
bone

bone,the bone the everywhererdening and andnd fthrough

fallingthen through softening self self toit's openhardly onespossible
eyes to it'srdly possito hardlyle to close them close possiblethem

closehardly them possible fuelanguish art the ispse of attitude
attitudethe

collapse collapseturanguish attitude the naturalcollapse attitude of
attitudettitude in which everything remremained inined alive

everythingattitude remainedin alive which

wouldanguish silenceour itself camera ourmera camera would lie in lost
would hidden plplace

lostplace place and world economy

opensody to to bodyanguish anguish the bodyanguish anthe openinglwalways
alwaysthe small world missesnd misses our body

itody our body and
long long long

.

  From digg.com

This sand artist tells a sad WWII story in 8 minutes without saying or
writing a word.

http://tinyurl.com/l9yn36

it can be searched in YouTube, "Ukranian sand artist."
.

triggers -

thoughts of death and annihilation
-- when i can't get dying out of my mind
-- when i find annihilation intolerable
-- when i'm living through my death and annihilation

thoughts of events immediately after my death
-- when i think of azure seeing, something, anything, immediately
after my death
-- when i think of my loved belongings, dispersed, on unknown journeys
-- when i think of the matrix of my life dissolving
-- when i can't express this to others

remembering my father's behavior towards me
-- when i think of growing up in a horizon of tempers and screaming
-- when my mother remained aloof or blind to this
-- when i remember crumbling under psychic violence
-- when i can't express this to others
-- when i can't deal with authority, including my own
-- when i deconstruct authority to the point of abjection and
annihilation

my sister's behavior, violence, and power of attorney
-- when i she doesn't give me even a modicum of respect
-- when i see her collusion with my father and his blind spot with her
-- when i see my father rejecting his sons
-- when i think about any of this

my sexuality uneasily escaping fantasy, ghosting everywhere
-- when the fantasy mixes art and the real world
-- when i my work makes others uncomfortable
-- when i can't deal with my own sexuality
-- when i feel i'm distorted, ugly, ogre, meagre
-- when i express myself poorly to others

fear of becoming homeless
-- when i find our financial situation one of constant loss and
struggle
-- when i try to come to grips with stress and find this inconceivable
-- when i find peacefulness inconceivable
-- when i worry that everything i've accomplished will disappear
-- when i fear i have accomplished nothing

fear of losing azure
-- when i realize she has to be saint and martyr to survive with me
-- when i inadvertently hurt or or withdraw because of triggering
-- when she gets exhausted over the same old thing of mine
-- when i feel i never pay her enough attention
-- when i realize how much i love her and it's frightening, thinking
she has saved me
-- when i worry about salvation from anywhere
-- when i feel hopeless

fear of triggering
-- when i feel the thoughts coming, and find no way to stop them
-- when my life seems almost catatonic and surviving under onslaught
-- when everything feels neutralized and joyless
-- when i recognize the history of the planet as one of continuous
slaughter
-- when i know that triggering only leads to the abyss
-- when i sense the chemicals taking over, the intrinsic processes
of my body out of control
-- when i sense that being out of control is a permanent condition
-- when i feel my mind turns against me in every direction
-- when i feel the presence of authority, for this always diminishes me
-- when i live a life of absolute and permanent regret
-- when my joy carries the seeds of its own destruction on the surface

for i know that triggering
-- is an irreversible descent, carrying my world with it
-- transforms my world into the world, so there is no escape
-- turns suicide neither into a question nor an answer, but defuge and
useless
-- when alternatives decay
-- when i can't speak but bluster, when i lose my breath, when i sweat
profusely, when i cry uncontrollably, when i become dizzy and stumble
about, when fear cries from every pore, when 'anything' sets me off,
sets me shaking, when the very thought of triggers bring legions of
them,
-- and when i, in despair, remain on the surface of spews, seethings,
abjections, untoward and extreme sexualities, pushing art and life to
the limit, returning with nothing but fear, shame, exhaustion -
returning with nothing usable, nothing at all

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