Message-ID: <alpine.NEB.2.00.1203020904360.13206@panix3.panix.com>
From: Alan Sondheim <sondheim@panix.com>
To: Cyb <cybermind@listserv.wvu.edu>, Wryting-L <WRYTING-L@listserv.wvu.edu>
Subject: honesty
Date: Fri, 2 Mar 2012 09:06:21 -0500 (EST)
honesty the only thing i can really say in favor of my work is that i try to be absolutely honest. this doesn't mean things aren't hidden; there are things i curse myself for daily, hourly, that remain in the dark, that i try to subvert, repress, rescind. but what is said is the truth as i find it, which of course is no truth at all. i am a brilliant musician for example by virtue of being a fraud; i am a selfish friend and lover perhaps, always on the mend, emending, making amends. i believe others may be the same, feel the same, scratch away at similar surfaces; for example, celine was braver than i, perhaps vile to a greater degree. i know where i stand; like other deluded people, perhaps, if i am so, i revel in my mind, in the dismal horizon of future discovery which will never come, but always seems just within reach. if at this point i am a menace to others, i am a greater menace to myself; if others find me out of tune, i am almost ready to forego music in favor of a less exacting genre. so i hang on you, on your every word, so i am ready to hang myself. you are part of this, the debris i live in, the scuttling or scurrying of thought always capable of aggrandizement, always close to the suicidal... http://www.alansondheim.org/men1.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/men2.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/men3.jpg (and a thinker? what i desire the most, what is least likely, among every- thing, everyone else!)