From: Alan Sondheim <firstname.lastname@example.org>
To: Cyb <email@example.com>, Wryting-L <WRYTING-L@listserv.wvu.edu>
Subject: the distillation of pain in preparation for a conference
Date: Sun, 17 Jun 2012 21:15:03 -0400 (EDT)
the distillation of pain in preparation for a conference on good days i dream of hitler youth and grey soviet masses nameless american troops everywhere people marching jagged assyrian warriors batak sacrifices everyone known is deeply wrecking salvage dams holding back debris walking in collapsed buildings furious suicides drownings, medicated deaths police-tape barriers, artifice,s destruction those names, ash, broken mouths, screams everything going under this crime won't be solved why can't sleep begin by thinking about being very old, a thing, continue where lump or pain becomes something else, body turns its course against me, that division. that night from which no awakening, remains unimaginable. break with the daughter of my family. who were dear simply order psychically survive. leads post-traumatic stress syndrome, obdurate circulation memories become permanent part psychic landscape: trip over. after death they're meaningless, just what saves us, jennifer asks, shall we survive, can turn, our future, you see when die, you, species, has history gone, happens dust, molecules, atoms, forms, records, data, speech, recordings preservation prions viruses, phages bacteria, parasites, sun planets lives, whom speaking, mind without service god, demons minds dissolve, corrode, decay, corrupt, longer hear your answers, ourselves, memory mother her book father his fire, these are gone sound mercury light switch luminous glow afternoon mighty trees moon there, murmurs planetary nebula, plasma disappears disappears, eyes it, ears among us oh keep their promises always based forfeitures, asks jennifer, be, turn me around, provide loving canopy soft nestlings presence friends all times places, hold within world living, nurture nourish feed clothe ah, am done for, says already half two-thirds three-quarters cries m conversation ----------------------------- ----------------------------- therefore should come together between two bodies separated serrated division, vertebra one other. logging-out, collapse backbone, melting melding as it begins disappear.the body's not here either, square, playing-field, holding-pen.the stream i's, eyes, appear if were, but imminent, momentary, for minute.drying, other words stain residue, say drying, drying-out.in words, you're saying red year 5000, birthday falls monday, won't around. somehow, makes unutterably sad, weeping. span so short, that, this, concrete instance, tears through me. make sure, past 2020... . eye, julu, nikuko travis, honey alan, accompany organs, bones, flesh fallen side road is, reality, plain, open every direction, neither nor indicating anywhere, any thing. little band characters process dissolution. stories audience, audience audience. speaks smashed mouths, writes fingers, sees other, dreams hears way. ultimate writing because urgent. goes nowhere go. destinations fall off map disappeared. death, gem outlives decay pion, bringing misery wake. less time tell stories. did was any: 'my most important medium.' nothing else speaks. write an unknown tongue. enormity figures... hard convey virtual worlds... don't take word it... check out, you'll see... sense them looking down at you... guardians... working benefit... whether like not... doesn't matter... night... into pieces reassembling... swallow whole... big universe... least i'll more, i'm breathing... remembered poor out could think wandered somewhere link faltered hindered cauterized throat thought throughout semblance fraught alone meandering mourned rooms dark fallow plummeting faces skewed sallow hollowed mounds earth burning bone hallowed they sutured hands haunting loomed muffled clutched voices senseless seamless depressed humbled choices dense thatched strands stranding embracing fears buried borne lost thrown sounds human ghosts own avatar / wounded space real closed others agree witness horror born into, didn't ask shuddering time, uniqueness catch-basin nerves ruptured world, step line, clean, clarify, suck clean proper body, stuttering space, smear basket torn pieces, screaming than own, post abstract animated maquette holes another crimped, collapsed, coagulated crash crumble destiny it's puckered slosh pure gifts there's happiness exchange grief speak chatter communities history's left behind monotony... echo hollow letter lies sleeping now cold dissolve worlds get stuck life yearn return held skin seasons cannot move made layers pain, back, small models splayed abstracted avatars fleeing radio antique equipment lean glass photographs child doomed things listen too images dead soldiers anything books martyrs tortures torments read covers telling future lament oozes beings forth gather die escape powered escapes o doom martyrologies deaf call survive murmur yearning returning stick lives thing reading comes swaying swings dying sways steal play long succeed alanprint objects pained desire charred excavated (bleak culture slaughter) darkness says 'truth screen, killed, spike throats beauty-smoke kyushu honshu incense kamogami smoke, pens pencils, languages? fucked blank?' lips hardly move, forced comfort, comfort now, moment, remember love? alan want die. try head. bones old. lead. existence sex not; starts inside inside julu +++ some legs raw tissue blood leaking joints troubling hanging flags fish holiday carved stripped meat dancing ecstatic someone knew isthisit, sexuality damned sexual maps taps saps revolves merrily, happy, burrowed revolutions buried, coming singing longing, then leaving, leaving certainly aren't arousing shattering woundatar forgotten deadatar, anytime soon? aesthetics occurs flatness never curls inward towards body: unless fundamental identification work. sort futurism responsible mac apple, sliver cuts flesh, acceptable, false topologies, topographies destroyed villages, mutilated faces. same: many deaths, deaths. clear: notes of labor purposed, slowing scraping trying think, what? damage cause caused. ravage that: ravaged. must stop. murdered. work sound, fury. visible been killed. them. even keeps yammering, yakking away much alive somebody gave birth. the monster. ever shut up stench offensive idiotic poverty thumping surface gives way, only limited compliance, while wants slither, projections fantasies, holographic universes edges surface, consider same way bangu, drum, center harshness occurs, skin, outside drum altogether go elsewhere, so, moving while, reveals itself, does poverty, idiotic, null signifiers token, dissolution proton, substance, moves embrace, catch catapult oneself, corral, image imaginary appears curvature meanders form, embraces subject, brings hir enunciation [i'm growing increasingly stupid. bang head tired animations blurs. inhabit flat cut paper. stalks thinking: forget new monster appear, obscene _enunciation._] what's run below substance. drive italics, edge them, and such again flay first kill maw ruin : stops nevermore loves please...nevermore. smile chains seem one, around eleven, crying 'nevermore universe, one.' before coming, cessation pain.with cessation. < deathwe sipping grease > achieved. 1, dead. 0, any, cicatrix 'the cultural ecology bourdieu would cicatrix' covering simultaneously informs abject. variegated tattooed choice produces laundering beneath. healing scar balanced. collocation scars. beneath organism on. returns re-use. choose file: file chosen. upload: upload. here died 4:55 afternoon, sept. 6. i've - performances discomfiture dragging 'real' across 'virtual,' and tearing both.