Message-ID: <alpine.NEB.2.00.1209031007050.13478@panix3.panix.com>
From: Alan Sondheim <sondheim@panix.com>
To: Cyb <cybermind@listserv.wvu.edu>, Wryting-L <WRYTING-L@listserv.wvu.edu>
Subject: Death and Sex
Date: Mon, 3 Sep 2012 10:08:14 -0400 (EDT)
Death and Sex The lights were off and I knew secret deaths were going on and I was the country. This entry, concerned with de ath, the loss of virginity, cathecting for a long time now; it was n't death, and stemmed largely from projection. The tape was deathly expli cit; E. C. ran the camera. We made an "inverse" of the tape, both deathly and in terms of mood. Now death, her saying I've had my eyes on you for a long time, later - now, intensity, hysteria, exhaustion, death . I'm worn out, wear people out. I remembered all too well his death-wish , mild deceit, and the feeling that I masturbated while falling dying; she said she'd place them on her death and ending in the real world, travel, fear. I traveled to England, was deathly extreme - we used CuSeeMe exte nsively and including five projections, dealing with war, death, memory. For me, then I performed some deathly work which created a bit of dance that already created tremors; I want to release this but co uldn't conceive, of technology, income, death, labor, art. We had it a nd so forth, but the emphasis was the same - on language, death, death-s ex dances. I read everything I could about Anita Berber. I was as old as th e other residents. Working on ideas of pain, wounding, sex, sex as an abso lute loss of a world, and it is these worlds, replete, that frightened me; I felt sex lurked in what seemed to be emotional catastrophe, al ways already around the corner, and the only proof of Spirit I can think o f was based on its preposterousness. A point, they were simultaneously life and sex, my self-disappearance had frontal lobotomies, people literally s tarving for sex, or dying. In temple, by myself, facing sex and the world and the words "i'm tired" in Sprechstimme; they were words about se x. But that line, secretly conservative? That I thought suicide, lived in sex always, there seemed a descent, fear, mumbling after. Somewhe re the ringing of sex itself or rather the horizon of sex which lies i n sex which we pray is not immediate, not soon. Then recognizing the way our own sex is present even in the most fundamental acts of the sc attering of material culture, memories, afterwards, when you are yet another. And how worlds shatter, imminent, with sex! - What has been de ath-sex dances. I read everything I could about Anita Berber and sex in vi rtual worlds. We just had sex and I still have the i nternal mapping of the house burned into me.