The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive

December 3, 2012

panic attacks for real (best)

viola, sarangi, old sarangi, soprano recorder,
old soprano recorder, oud, and pipa, not in
order < when i'm feverish, overly stressed,
looking for the stability of fifths, here we
are, i tend to extend myself, risk failure,
enter crisis, arise

panic attacks and my gift to you

i want to give away my "i", my first-person pronoun,
nary that of an other, nor a third, but mine with
my troubled history, my abilities such as they are,
my acquaintances, my families, nothing but the "i",
nothing else will occur, these potentials will take
effect after i have died, the potentials will assume
the gift and presence of the self i was, perhaps
would have been, if i had been better, they would
exist in the world as if i were still among them,
among you and those to follow you in the world, the
"i" of these potentials is their eye, participates
in the richness and fecundity of the world, and so
i will love among you and be with you among you,
and i will not have died or have lived in vain, you
will have assumed the "i"

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