The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive

December 25, 2016

In my Mind (felt, not seen)

I'm waiting for an appointment for an MRA MRI. I've always had
'twitches,' well, for the past several years, in my left frontal
lobe, lasting about a second, every so often, maybe 3-4 a month;
recently, these went away. And then again in Atlanta, a couple
of those and then an occurrence, a deep 'pulse' lasting maybe
8-10 seconds from the same area, spreading across the surface of
the brain as well. No loss of consciousness, no other symptoms
at all. What was strange, however, was the image I had at the
time, or was it immediately after? That of a spreading intense
yellow 'thing' on the surface of the brain, with pseudopods; the
'thing' was thick, like a fungus; from beneath it a rod plunged
down with a bulb on the end; another but vertical pseudopod; the
pain was from the surrounding tissue; for pain there was, an
unnatural throbbing that seemed almost alien; the image faded
either before or after the plunge; the pain went away; I felt
weak but nothing else; my head throbbed however; I took two
codeine aspirin and 800 mg of ibuprofin; I was unbelievably
frightened. Nothing then for two weeks. Then back in RI, another
incident; it seemed a tube, dark gray or some such; descended
from the surface of the brain, slowly; I was trying to nap; I
couldn't; there was that odd sensation but not nearly as strong;
it lasted perhaps ten seconds; nothing on the surface; almost as
if a channel was opening up; then nothing. So I am moving among
doctors trying to get attention for this, whatever it is, only
these two occasions; I have stills and videos of an earlier MRI
in Brooklyn, but the details, the analysis was lost when the
LICH hospital closed and our (mine and Azure's) records
disappeared in the resulting maelstrom of development and brutal
takeover of what had been a crucial health system for the area.
So I need these tests.

And then I go on, this evening, and run a compressed Adventure
game in linux and it's modified with perl scripts and the
results are below. And it seems to me there's a relationship
between the textual result and what happened. And Kristeva in
her recent book with Sollers argues for the potential textuality
of inner experience, if I read her right, slow experience
involving transference and countertransference perhaps; I read a
dynamics of internal communality, communication, and then the
adventure text, "Peter" nothing more than a place-holder or

Wish me luck with the healthcare system:

Peter, Lose My Mind!

bye bye bye bye what? bye bye lantern bye
bye bye bye take what? bye My what? bye Lose
keys bye Lose lantern bye Peter, axe bye
Peter, w what?  what?  with keys bye lamp
wave bye take wave bye n axe bye My wave
what? Lose up what? Lose keys Peter, e
lantern s wave bye eat axe bye keys rod bye
enter e what? Mind! before keys My wave Lose
XYZZY wave Peter, grate axe look wave bye
eat w bye keys d what? enter I wave Mind!
lantern My down wave Peter, w bottle grate
wave bye water e bye eat Look! keys keys yes
wave enter wave Mind! Peter, wave Lose s rod
Peter, enter w bye s look bye drink your
keys lamp kill lantern take wave n wave
bottle My s wave Peter, cage w bye with up
what? look now keys food kill wave take axe
enter wave Mind! cage w Lose look e enter
Look! what? s know wave water look wave lamp
wave take rod n bird w Lose s look take
Peter what? grate I wave look w wave food
bottle keys wave n down w My s d w your bye
open peter wave s cage wave drink wave lamp
inven enter snake e My light ui w I bye
enter yes wave open w axe leave wave eat w
take do e Mind! take Look! Peter, s do bye
cage eat lantern key take axe s rod food w
keys e look n take Peter Peter, lamp what
bye w snake lantern grate take axe s wave
water w take keys up n w look Lose s to bye
look take lantern enter lamp wave grate wave
leave w lamp up enter look your Lose light I
bye take snake lantern take w wave key inven
s e food ui take snake lose My cage Peter!
bye w down lantern w s wave grate inven s e
drink up keys Hi before My look peter bye e
w lantern s e wave w w open e water Look!
take now now Mind! cage jump bye s look
lantern e lamp bottle cage w grate e leave
Peter, lamp ui to Mind! e yes bye light down
lantern bottle e bottle cage w key look look
Peter eat inven what n down eat keys e wave
w bottle bottle w w grate up s look eat bye
know enter take snake rood look wave w yes
bottle s w w up s mind! drink to enter snake
snake Peter, w hit wave look w bottle w w
cage d grate your water I take Peter! kill
Peter, bird cage wave w s bottle take w cage
d with your leave Peter, keys do take Lose e
bird wave lamp w bottle e w e up open lose
look Peter! take Peter w Lose e take keys
take w bottle take w n up grate I s Hi lamp
e look My kill w keys take cage bottle e w
look ui w before s peter eat rod snake My
kill look keys and

n enter take keys take lamp eat food drink
water leave look s s s open grate with key
open grate enter w enter cage take cage e w
w n s look w e yes take bottle s e w take
lamp w e s look s s enter w w light lamp
XYZZY take keys take cage take rood take rod
look w w take bird put cage bird hit bird
look w e w down up look e w down look down
kill snake look w take axe kill snake axe
snake eat snake yes yes jump dance peter Hi
Peter! Peter, I need to know what to do now
before I lose your mind! look Peter Peter,
Look! up ui up d up look e e e w w w w inven
wave rod wave bottle wave axe wave wave
lantern wave keys what? bye Peter bye!


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