Message-ID: <alpine.NEB.2.20.1612251649030.23315@panix3.panix.com>
From: Alan Sondheim <sondheim@panix.com>
To: Cyb <cybermind@listserv.wvu.edu>, Wryting-L <WRYTING-L@listserv.wvu.edu>
Subject: In my Mind
Date: Sun, 25 Dec 2016 16:52:03 -0500 (EST)
In my Mind http://www.alansondheim.org/thought06.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/brainstem.mp4 (felt, not seen) I'm waiting for an appointment for an MRA MRI. I've always had 'twitches,' well, for the past several years, in my left frontal lobe, lasting about a second, every so often, maybe 3-4 a month; recently, these went away. And then again in Atlanta, a couple of those and then an occurrence, a deep 'pulse' lasting maybe 8-10 seconds from the same area, spreading across the surface of the brain as well. No loss of consciousness, no other symptoms at all. What was strange, however, was the image I had at the time, or was it immediately after? That of a spreading intense yellow 'thing' on the surface of the brain, with pseudopods; the 'thing' was thick, like a fungus; from beneath it a rod plunged down with a bulb on the end; another but vertical pseudopod; the pain was from the surrounding tissue; for pain there was, an unnatural throbbing that seemed almost alien; the image faded either before or after the plunge; the pain went away; I felt weak but nothing else; my head throbbed however; I took two codeine aspirin and 800 mg of ibuprofin; I was unbelievably frightened. Nothing then for two weeks. Then back in RI, another incident; it seemed a tube, dark gray or some such; descended from the surface of the brain, slowly; I was trying to nap; I couldn't; there was that odd sensation but not nearly as strong; it lasted perhaps ten seconds; nothing on the surface; almost as if a channel was opening up; then nothing. So I am moving among doctors trying to get attention for this, whatever it is, only these two occasions; I have stills and videos of an earlier MRI in Brooklyn, but the details, the analysis was lost when the LICH hospital closed and our (mine and Azure's) records disappeared in the resulting maelstrom of development and brutal takeover of what had been a crucial health system for the area. So I need these tests. And then I go on, this evening, and run a compressed Adventure game in linux and it's modified with perl scripts and the results are below. And it seems to me there's a relationship between the textual result and what happened. And Kristeva in her recent book with Sollers argues for the potential textuality of inner experience, if I read her right, slow experience involving transference and countertransference perhaps; I read a dynamics of internal communality, communication, and then the adventure text, "Peter" nothing more than a place-holder or stop-gap: http://www.alansondheim.org/thought01.jpg Wish me luck with the healthcare system: Peter, Lose My Mind! bye bye bye bye what? bye bye lantern bye bye bye bye take what? bye My what? bye Lose keys bye Lose lantern bye Peter, axe bye Peter, w what? what? with keys bye lamp wave bye take wave bye n axe bye My wave what? Lose up what? Lose keys Peter, e lantern s wave bye eat axe bye keys rod bye enter e what? Mind! before keys My wave Lose XYZZY wave Peter, grate axe look wave bye eat w bye keys d what? enter I wave Mind! lantern My down wave Peter, w bottle grate wave bye water e bye eat Look! keys keys yes wave enter wave Mind! Peter, wave Lose s rod Peter, enter w bye s look bye drink your keys lamp kill lantern take wave n wave bottle My s wave Peter, cage w bye with up what? look now keys food kill wave take axe enter wave Mind! cage w Lose look e enter Look! what? s know wave water look wave lamp wave take rod n bird w Lose s look take Peter what? grate I wave look w wave food bottle keys wave n down w My s d w your bye open peter wave s cage wave drink wave lamp inven enter snake e My light ui w I bye enter yes wave open w axe leave wave eat w take do e Mind! take Look! Peter, s do bye cage eat lantern key take axe s rod food w keys e look n take Peter Peter, lamp what bye w snake lantern grate take axe s wave water w take keys up n w look Lose s to bye look take lantern enter lamp wave grate wave leave w lamp up enter look your Lose light I bye take snake lantern take w wave key inven s e food ui take snake lose My cage Peter! bye w down lantern w s wave grate inven s e drink up keys Hi before My look peter bye e w lantern s e wave w w open e water Look! take now now Mind! cage jump bye s look lantern e lamp bottle cage w grate e leave Peter, lamp ui to Mind! e yes bye light down lantern bottle e bottle cage w key look look Peter eat inven what n down eat keys e wave w bottle bottle w w grate up s look eat bye know enter take snake rood look wave w yes bottle s w w up s mind! drink to enter snake snake Peter, w hit wave look w bottle w w cage d grate your water I take Peter! kill Peter, bird cage wave w s bottle take w cage d with your leave Peter, keys do take Lose e bird wave lamp w bottle e w e up open lose look Peter! take Peter w Lose e take keys take w bottle take w n up grate I s Hi lamp e look My kill w keys take cage bottle e w look ui w before s peter eat rod snake My kill look keys and n enter take keys take lamp eat food drink water leave look s s s open grate with key open grate enter w enter cage take cage e w w n s look w e yes take bottle s e w take lamp w e s look s s enter w w light lamp XYZZY take keys take cage take rood take rod look w w take bird put cage bird hit bird look w e w down up look e w down look down kill snake look w take axe kill snake axe snake eat snake yes yes jump dance peter Hi Peter! Peter, I need to know what to do now before I lose your mind! look Peter Peter, Look! up ui up d up look e e e w w w w inven wave rod wave bottle wave axe wave wave lantern wave keys what? bye Peter bye! http://www.alansondheim.org/thought18.jpg http://www.alansondheim.org/thought16.jpg +++ --- +++