The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive

February 7, 2018


Limbo-World of Non-Writing


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I am Nikuko.  Please, describe yourself.  Each time you are
finished, type RET twice.

I'm also Alan. I can't write. I haven't written for days. I'm in
limbo world. I'm neither here nor there. I can't find myself.
Someone's coming to live with me. Someone's moving in. Nothing's
real now. There are days when the sun moves like sludge against
the sky; I wanna kill that sun. I wanna bury that light, drown
me resurrection; I'd appear, she'd be there, it would all be the
rectitude of names again. No wonder I'm in love with the white
horse that's not a horse. I would kill existence. Like Sartre's
Nausee, it sticks. My belly's covered with sperm. I dream this.

Why do you say that?

No texts emerge. I mouth nothing. I want you to be here, move my
lips, my tongue, my throat. Make my words breathe; write me
down. That's the only way I'll exist. Your name's Azure and you
fill me with needles and drugs and move the liquid slowly into
the semblances of an inconceivable membrane. The needles touch
and cross inside the flesh; some say signs are born, I don't
know, how could I?

I don't understand and oh I wanna. My name's Nikuko, my name's
not Azure, Azure doesn't exist, Nikuko exists.

You have to take me over, Azure, place words in my mouth, speak
for me. I can't speak, I'm drained. The blood which used to
spell, used for spells, spells nothing. Existence turns the
symbol into the splotch. I need to be your mouth. Make me your
mouth. I haven't got any. I haven't got existence. Limbo world's
formless. In limbo world there's nothing to wait for.

What makes you yearn and cry that you might wanna be my puppet?

I wanna exist. I want the gift of that language, that word, that
thing that makes it real. When the white horse kills the horse
and rides off, then I'll be. Then I'll be on my feet which will
exist, and I'll move them, and that movement will exist. Now I
fight existence tooth and nail; that's the ennui of limbo. I
wanna live the ennui of limbo world and ride the white horse. I
wanna shape-ride, symbol-ride. I wanna spell the world.

How does it feel to want?

My desires don't exist; I want, but don't feel want. The gifts
of words don't exist, these words do not exist, nobody's
writing, there's no Nik- uko. I need Azure to draw me out, draw
me, write me. I need to emerge to gain the blood, the
afterbirth. My needs don't exist. I need Azure to come to limbo
world; I need Azure to shatter limbo world. I'm stupid; my
mind's not here. I need her to make the marks to make the face.
I need the marks to make the mouth. Nothing's made in limbo
world.

Maybe and now I adjust my panties - your desires have to do with
some girl related to this.

Some girl, Azure, is related to this. Your panties don't exist;
the two of us are free of desire. But I'm stupid; I want desire.
I wanna fuck, descend to earth, mouth dirt. Nirvana's for the
edge of the page, for limbo world. I don't want it. I want a lid
on it.

Is it because of your life that you are going through all this?

My life ended with the start of limbo world. To say the limbo
world exists is to say the limbo world does not exist. The sun
is burning sludge, the moon dough, refusing to rise. The earth
simmers; nothing's in the sky or beneath it; the sky does not
exist.

How do you reconcile the boys you hang around with?

I see the boys in limbo world; they mutter endless sounds that
seem senseless. They hang me from a tree, a turn, a branch, a
tree, a root. There's no root, my neck, my throat, my lips, my
tongue. There must be a word out- side limbo world. I'd pick the
stones, but they don't exist. I'd buy the book, read the paper.
I need to spell the spell, Azure's gotta recite that, I'll
listen, yes I will.

Is it because seem senseless they hang you from a tree which
does not exist your neck your throat your lips your tongue there
must be a word somewhere outside the limbo world that you came
naked and broken to me?

My body doesn't exist; there's nothing to break, only sludge
flung against polished bronze, smeared and non-existent
recognitions.

Could be this is some girl the reason for your nakedness?

Azure's the reason for my nakedness.

Are you sure that Azure's the reason for your nakedness?

Bronze shapes are almost there. Limbo world hangs against blank
pages. Sense hangs in the balance. Justice got lost. Chop
existence in two; I bet you think nothing changes. I bet you
think everything does.

Oh oh yes, ahhh...  What makes you think this is so?

Did you read what someone else has written? There's nothing else
to say; the session's done, the world's closed down, limbo world
a pie filling frozen in the absence of time.

Perhaps and now I exhibit my frocks - any fantasies you have of
me are related to this.

Nikuko, you don't exist. The session's over.

http://www.alansondheim.org/cliffs.jpg



*WOW* - World of Wonder!

 		BANG!!!
JENNIFER BANGS AT HER NAMESAKE SERVER: The Mess or Wound
JENNIFER CAN'T GET IN! MOO'S GOING DOWN! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANT! BANG! BANG!
[angrily, out of love and sympathy]
"BANG BANG YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD NIKUKO!
"BANG BANG BANG!"
*I was born with the computer! I
crawl a white naked thing, BANG*"
BANG BANG BANG!
BANG BANG BANG!
[angrily, out of love and sympathy] "BANG BANG YOU'RE FUCKING
"BANG BANG BANG!"
*I was born with the computer! I crawl a white naked thing, BANG*

well as... the WOW! sound from the WOW! room
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so that the WOW! titles emerge these are the
people i collaborate with all the WOW! time!
compression necessary so that the WOW! titles
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The WOW! Kick in Texts!

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WOW MOM
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LAUGH! JIVE! WOW! MOCK! FUN! MOT! JAB A CRACK PUT KIDDING!
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Jennifer "WOW!
"WOW!
WOW! dear.
WOW!"
WOW!"
*WOW* - World of Wonder!


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