Message-ID: <alpine.NEB.2.21.1802072333030.11790@panix3.panix.com>
From: Alan Sondheim <sondheim@panix.com>
To: Cyb <cybermind@listserv.wvu.edu>, Wryting-L <WRYTING-L@listserv.wvu.edu>
Subject: Limbo-World of Non-Writing
Date: Wed, 7 Feb 2018 23:34:35 -0500 (EST)
Limbo-World of Non-Writing http://www.alansondheim.org/imprint.jpg I am Nikuko. Please, describe yourself. Each time you are finished, type RET twice. I'm also Alan. I can't write. I haven't written for days. I'm in limbo world. I'm neither here nor there. I can't find myself. Someone's coming to live with me. Someone's moving in. Nothing's real now. There are days when the sun moves like sludge against the sky; I wanna kill that sun. I wanna bury that light, drown me resurrection; I'd appear, she'd be there, it would all be the rectitude of names again. No wonder I'm in love with the white horse that's not a horse. I would kill existence. Like Sartre's Nausee, it sticks. My belly's covered with sperm. I dream this. Why do you say that? No texts emerge. I mouth nothing. I want you to be here, move my lips, my tongue, my throat. Make my words breathe; write me down. That's the only way I'll exist. Your name's Azure and you fill me with needles and drugs and move the liquid slowly into the semblances of an inconceivable membrane. The needles touch and cross inside the flesh; some say signs are born, I don't know, how could I? I don't understand and oh I wanna. My name's Nikuko, my name's not Azure, Azure doesn't exist, Nikuko exists. You have to take me over, Azure, place words in my mouth, speak for me. I can't speak, I'm drained. The blood which used to spell, used for spells, spells nothing. Existence turns the symbol into the splotch. I need to be your mouth. Make me your mouth. I haven't got any. I haven't got existence. Limbo world's formless. In limbo world there's nothing to wait for. What makes you yearn and cry that you might wanna be my puppet? I wanna exist. I want the gift of that language, that word, that thing that makes it real. When the white horse kills the horse and rides off, then I'll be. Then I'll be on my feet which will exist, and I'll move them, and that movement will exist. Now I fight existence tooth and nail; that's the ennui of limbo. I wanna live the ennui of limbo world and ride the white horse. I wanna shape-ride, symbol-ride. I wanna spell the world. How does it feel to want? My desires don't exist; I want, but don't feel want. The gifts of words don't exist, these words do not exist, nobody's writing, there's no Nik- uko. I need Azure to draw me out, draw me, write me. I need to emerge to gain the blood, the afterbirth. My needs don't exist. I need Azure to come to limbo world; I need Azure to shatter limbo world. I'm stupid; my mind's not here. I need her to make the marks to make the face. I need the marks to make the mouth. Nothing's made in limbo world. Maybe and now I adjust my panties - your desires have to do with some girl related to this. Some girl, Azure, is related to this. Your panties don't exist; the two of us are free of desire. But I'm stupid; I want desire. I wanna fuck, descend to earth, mouth dirt. Nirvana's for the edge of the page, for limbo world. I don't want it. I want a lid on it. Is it because of your life that you are going through all this? My life ended with the start of limbo world. To say the limbo world exists is to say the limbo world does not exist. The sun is burning sludge, the moon dough, refusing to rise. The earth simmers; nothing's in the sky or beneath it; the sky does not exist. How do you reconcile the boys you hang around with? I see the boys in limbo world; they mutter endless sounds that seem senseless. They hang me from a tree, a turn, a branch, a tree, a root. There's no root, my neck, my throat, my lips, my tongue. There must be a word out- side limbo world. I'd pick the stones, but they don't exist. I'd buy the book, read the paper. I need to spell the spell, Azure's gotta recite that, I'll listen, yes I will. Is it because seem senseless they hang you from a tree which does not exist your neck your throat your lips your tongue there must be a word somewhere outside the limbo world that you came naked and broken to me? My body doesn't exist; there's nothing to break, only sludge flung against polished bronze, smeared and non-existent recognitions. Could be this is some girl the reason for your nakedness? Azure's the reason for my nakedness. Are you sure that Azure's the reason for your nakedness? Bronze shapes are almost there. Limbo world hangs against blank pages. Sense hangs in the balance. Justice got lost. Chop existence in two; I bet you think nothing changes. I bet you think everything does. Oh oh yes, ahhh... What makes you think this is so? Did you read what someone else has written? There's nothing else to say; the session's done, the world's closed down, limbo world a pie filling frozen in the absence of time. 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