The Alan Sondheim Mail Archive

April 26, 2018


nervous and then resolution

http://www.alansondheim.org/cifteli1.jpg
http://www.alansondheim.org/nervose.mp3

@last night thought i was having a heart attack, anxiety instead
in the middle of everything. the earlier cifteli playing
reflects this; it's nervous, resolving towards the end into
smooth melody after the raggedness of everything else. i was
mocked by the instrument. i thought about three names that i
couldn't remember, was i losing my mind? i looked up two of them
after 2 1/2 hours sleep, the other and a fourth came by
themselves. then i remembered other things and started to think
about music. i wondered how much longer i could play at this
speed. i thought for a long time and felt better. i took a pill
and went back to sleep. i almost never take pills. i woke far
too soon and listened to my nervousness. "music does that to
you, doesn't it, it allows you to hear your nervousness." @today
i thought, well fine, an interesting piece of music in any case,
i've got to change the rhythm.

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